Monthly Archives: September 2009

The Story Of An Unsaid Thing

We fought all the time.
Two strong heads butting up
against different world views.
Work was like that, a lot.

When she sent her sister to me
for career advice, I was shocked.  Her sister
told me she’d said
how much she respected me and that I’d help,
anyway I could.

Feeling guilty, I called her
and we made plans
for lunch the following week.

I had a lot to say,

and the next day she got on a plane
and it flew into a building
and she became —
what?  Icon, symbol, memory,
martyr, victim —

She was none of those.  A huge smile
and a sharp tongue.  A quick word
and a deep thought.  A boss, a mother,
an adversary and a thorn.  Yes, those —

but I don’t know what to call her now.
She was a colleague, less than a friend,
but she looms in me now
below my heart, nudging it with her strong head,
reminding me:

I have left things unsaid
in so many places.
I have misjudged and will again.
I have held grudges and still do,

and I don’t know where her sister is today.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Ritual

After dusk
but before the sun is completely forgotten,

find the growth that is strangling
the fruit tree.

Split it down its horny middle
with your shaman’s nail;

pulp out the translucent flesh
on your sky finger.

Hold it up
and see the moon, rising, out of round

and pink, through the mess.
Spit twice to the east and wipe your hand

on the moving ground.  Leave nothing,
not even a stain, upon yourself;

see it there before you waiting to be abandoned.
Walk away. Find the nearest spring and wash naked

no matter how cold the source.  This is enough,
you should tell yourself three times.  Enough

to make the fruit tree whole again, to make its seeds
edible and fresh

wherever they eventually fall.  Do not speak of this to anyone!
Let them think it was magic.    Let them live unaware

of how it was: the cry of the tree upon being pierced,
the gross shudder of the earth upon receiving the pulp.

It is enough to live.  Enough that you lived through it.
Enough that the knowledge exists, and that you will remember it.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Morality

Whatever
“the good” turns out to be,
I imagine it will be
more of a recovered memory
than a new discovery.

We seek it
everywhere, seek it
in piles of filth, seek it
in a reason for bloodshed,
seek it in the eyes
of those we’ve rejected.

Though sometimes we defend ourselves
into some misdirection, some blurred view
of its nature, we know it somehow
when we see it:  “the good”

is recognizable, a dawning
remembered for its warm presence.
We seek it
knowing it already; duck and cover
before it, ashamed of our long distance
from it, abashed in knowing
it’s never been far,
always near by and always sensed,
if not always
conveniently placed.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

A Labor Day Prayer For Worcester

Scared, lonely,
a little too close to death,
I leave the apartment
on a Labor Day for a ride
to anywhere, elsewhere,
somewhere not here.

A sign outside a church on Greenwood Street
proclaims:

“GOD DOESN’T PROMISE YOU
A CALM JOURNEY
ONLY A SAFE LANDING”

I drive to Elm Park.

I choose a bench
and sprawl there, arms outstretched
along the back, legs crossed before me.

Round, brown teenage girls
stroll by arm in arm, giggling
(I suspect) at my belly.  A Frisbee
clips my leg, grinds into the gravel
at my feet, and a shaggy blond boy rushes up,
stops just before plowing into me,
apologizes; I acknowledge him
from behind my shades.

I walk up Highland
to the Boynton for a beer
and a slice.  The Red Sox
are playing the White Sox
and losing, but the beer is cold
and the pizza is warm enough;

one regular throws up his hands
at a lost opportunity, bases loaded
and no one scores.  Starts talking about
the early season, “remember that first sweep
of the Yanks? These guys always
break my heart, but I always come back,”
talking to no one, for everyone,
and we all nod, me still in my shades
as I finish and go back to the car.

I take the long way home, pass
that sign again:

“GOD DOESN’T PROMISE YOU
A CALM JOURNEY
ONLY A SAFE LANDING”

and from somewhere,
maybe from the torn-up blacktop
under my protesting tires,
maybe from inside me,
comes The Voice:

round and amused as a brown girl laughing at a fat man,
smooth and amazed as Jacoby Ellsbury stealing home in April
while Andy Petitte isn’t looking,
clocking me as hard as an errant Frisbee:

“I NEVER PROMISE ANYTHING
IT’S ALWAYS THERE FOR THE TAKING
DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ”

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Mary Celeste

Blistered and marooned
by the heat of my divided spirit,
stalled on a spit far from solid land,
I’ve become the wreck I’ve always expected.

But if I founder here, after all this time
wondering when it would happen and what moment
would put me over the edge at last,
it will not be without a gentle, bitter laugh

at how quietly I’ve ended up here now:
no huge explosion of pain, no rejection
of my being, no shattering revelation
of my own tiny nature.  No:

I end here thinking of nothing but fatigue,
the heavy silence in my hold, beams apparently solid
but straining to hold themselves to one another
ad ready to give out.  I have become

a Mary Celeste of a man, all the contents
intact, only the driving force absent, and when I’m found
they’ll see the mystery of me:
no one aboard and the ship still ready,

its sails vacant in the still, hot air;
a line trailing behind, attached to nothing;
cries of seabirds falling flat, the beams answering
as they grind themselves apart on this sliver of sand.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

After The Conversation

I went to the riverbank
and tossed a cigarette
onto the pool at the base of the dam.

In the dusk, it arced,
red star smooth, then winked out.
I think I heard a fish strike on it.

I don’t like to think about
what happened to that fish.
Fire, poison,

cold water, a body slipping along
until it lodged in the rocks. 
I refuse to imagine it.

Blogged with the Flock Browser</div

Machine Gun

How do we know
we are modern?  Because
the song of the machine gun
so often answers our morning sun.

It’s not a hymn, we tell ourselves,
but some god must adore it,

its rattlejack melody
and simple chatter so commonplace
we don’t look up when we hear it
on a television show, in a movie,

but let the chorus start before us,
in person,
let our days threaten to end with this
before we have begun them

and we understand so much,
feel a kinship with millions
who’ve heard it through the years,
begin to imagine ourselves
at Wounded Knee, in the Ardennes,
San Juan Hill, countless villages.

Maybe it is a hymn we’re hearing.
Maybe this is our true religion:

a faith born of duck and cover,
cower and hide.  This god
brings us together with shared whispers
and screams, making us
equals
under the clouds of lead.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Epiphany: Crown Peak. 1987

When it is time to stop

When it is time to stop
doing
and begin being

When it is mountain time
and you are at the base
and you are at the peak
all at once

When you climb with no exertion
When you are still

When a hawk is in your eye
you see the hawk
and see
from the hawk’s eye how small you seem
from where the hawk is
from where you are

Time to be washed out
Time to blend neutral into
where you are
Perfected camouflage
Transparent instead of
disguised

As you were
before
you were the fragile jumbled man
you are now
It is time for that again
When it is time to begin
When it is time to stop

All the gold of the Old and New Worlds
All the Conquest dreams
All the fever of wars fought for greed

explained then forgotten in this moment
of settling in
ceasing to resist
no longer treating existence
as adversary
as resource
but Source

When it is time to begin to stop
to begin being and stop doing

say it:

Time —
Stop

Blogged with the Flock Browser

New Zero Point Zero column is up…

I write a regular column for the Gotpoetry.com site on various aspects of poetry and the “poetic life,” whatever that means…

Latest missive is now posted, a short and opinionated (is there any other kind?) treatise on “beginner’s poetry.”

Comments there, if you so desire…

http://www.gotpoetry.com/News/article/sid=40613.html

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Starches

Suckin’ em down —
bagels, English muffins,
half loaves of bread —

better than Prozac, better than
therapy,
hell, they are therapy —

“scientists theorize that
the craving for carbohydrates
is a symptom of clinical depression –”

of course it is.  I’ve breakfasted and lunched
my way through a lot of clinical depression.
My waistline is my safety agreement —

tells me, “keep me fat on hearty breads,
loaves, no fishes, no greens, no fruits —
I’ll make sure you’re too heavy for the rope,
too fat to reach for the gun under the mattress –”

It’s working.  It’s working!
I’ll have a cigarette and keep to the couch,
keep writing, keep at it,
crumb king, face full of baguette
for that existentialist atmosphere —

Goddamn,
I’m happy! 

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Prayer

Nothing poetic about this:

doesn’t matter what I’ve said,
written, blurted, spat, or spewed before:

no reason to parse this, scan this,
I’ll admit it’s no poem worthy of the name:

no rapper, slammer, academic voice
worth its breath here:

don’t care.

What I say now is just said
for its naked meaning:

live.  Live.  The art will come
from that, but later.  For now,

just live.

Blogged with the Flock Browser