1. “What If She Were Your Mom?”
In the picture
the representative Mom is in sleek black
bra and boyshorts, ass
to the camera, face pitched back
over her shoulder. She’s been classically
styled as hot Mom, MILF I suppose,
and the article (I further suppose)
must deal with the problems
a MILF’s daughter must face knowing that
some proportion of the men around her
might be thinking of assuming
some of the duties of her father,
as if having one Dad wasn’t enough trouble
what with him already having a thing for her
cheerleader friends. And who knows
what Mom thinks of all this?
Everything’s always been
a problem when it comes to Mom and Dad,
of course, even before
Mom’s emboldened fashion sense and Dad’s
sudden devotion to “Veronica Mars” reared their
strangely alluring heads. Daughter will have to look
elsewhere for guidance now…
2. “How To Work A Skirt”
You can work a skirt
to say “I love you,” obviously. But did you know
you can work a skirt to say
what a good MILF you’ll be someday?
3. “Tragedy In Dafur”
Read this
so that the next time you’re working that skirt
you can reference it so someone will know
you pay attention to things other than your Mom’s
lingerie and Dad’s lust for the new. You can keep a copy of it
clipped under your hem, just out of sight.
If a hint of it does accidently appear you can laugh it off
and mention all the things no one knows you keep up there.
4. “Hollywood Hookups”
The kiss she laid on him
at the afterparty
was like nothing
seen before by any reporter
and if you had seen it you’d understand
that your Mom’s lingerie is a way of recapturing
a moment from a time before the way to work a skirt
became a glossy prescription.
5. “Where To Buy”
Buy it anywhere fine goods are sold —
one-named stores, multilevel stores,
small stores on Elizabeth Street in NYC,
stores on Fashion Island in Newport Beach, CA,
upside down stores near the back lot of a movie,
stores reconfigured to look like distressed auto plants,
store where you can get a Darfur bracelet, stores
your Mom hasn’t heard of yet, stores Dad can’t hang around.
Buy it here before that skirt works itself out of a job.
note: all section titles taken from a magazine a young woman was reading on the ferry trip from Hyannis to Nantucket. yes, I was reading over her shoulder — the titles, anyway.
Dark Matter 