Waking up hallucinating

I do not think I’ll be taking Ambien again…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waking up talking —

EVERYTHING IS DISAPPEARING

re-
call

the morning glories
climbing the chain-link fence
and one tendril scaling the face
of the arborvitae in the neighbor’s yard

the monster heat of the bonfire
on Fourth of July
in the sandpit

what it was like to breathe and taste
before cigarettes

the leftover vinyl of artie shaw
discovered in best friend’s barn
scratched to fusstone but still
revelatory

orchards in abandoned farms
gone back to poplar and scrub ferns
timid among the rotten fruit

lying awake at night
with nothing but dark and not
caring that there was no sound

EVERYTHING IS DISAPPEARING —

names and dimlit backyards
names on shallowcarved school desks
names and names and blame and fervent
hope of notice and friendship

stumbling fingers on the first joint
rolled with single wide papers
praying it wouldn’t fall apart before
the watchful gods of freakdom

re-
call

birds and cars and barking sandstone
far from famous bands gone to accountancy and parenthood
slinky patch jeans and embroidered Big Daddy Roth army coats

the first switchblade
hash pipe
condom stolen from the drawer before
the first
kiss

recall hopeful waking up talking
blue in the face from Fresca and vodka

re-
call
sweating in the middle of a broke-ass broken sleep

waking up tonight talking VERY LOUD
EVERYTHING IS DISAPPEARING
everything inside is solving itself for zero
cutting larger and deeper holes in this being
with its comfortable shoes and sensible coat
with skin and graying hair gone to pot
battling hydra refusing suddenly to grow back

everything
yes
everything

— T Brown, 5/23/07