restraint

i am on the bed
with each wrist tied to the headboard
and each ankle tied to the footboard
with a blindfold over my eyes

this is the first time
that i am not
the one who ties the knots
not the doer but the one being done

all i have to do now
is be
and i’m terrified that i
will fail at it

how will i know
i’m doing this right
when i can do nothing
except experience it

the prospect of
hours and hours
of being unable
to act

while the window fan
blows hot air over my skin
and things happen
that i can’t see

she draws something soft
across my chest
she rubs something sticky
on my thighs

i can’t breathe
it’s all too pleasant
too much
i might cry

hours and hours
of being unable to act
i may never get
used to this

but for now
let being
supplant doing
there is so much to learn