insomnia
lose-lose decisions
loneliness
crowds
overly solicitous people
the empty email box that claims attention although it will not be used again
having one of my poems used as evidence against me
the inability to memorize
not taking responsibility for the things i am and am not
age, infirmity, the dying light in my eyes
my fear of the cold
fear of the cat who will not rest as i try to sleep
this hunger that makes no sense
certainty of death, life, the dawn, the need to move forward
my inability to let things go
my inability to care
my inability to care enough
my evil, my selfish, my ignorance, my lack of empathy
the way my mouth curves down most days
my teeth and their crooked truth telling
hot blood rising in me when faced with evidence of my own incompetence at life
my parents, sister, wife and more
the hate i feel for myself after writing that
the fact that i will not delete it
my unexpressed revolts
all the men i have not been
the things i have done and not done
the way i smell when i breathe
the panic i feel in the face of being loved
love itself: its implacability, its manic charm
bullets being placed in the cylinder, the snap/lock of the loaded cylinder being put in its place
the subsequent sound of that gun revealed in the space between lines of a symphony
that i will not write my “love supreme”, or that i will not know that i have until i worry it to death
my hair and my insistence on believing it makes me different
the refusal of race
the refusal of the whisper that race has not mattered in my life
losing the religion i never had
the satisfaction that i feel when contemplating certain murders
my own face in the dusty mirror
dust itself

insomnia
lose-lose decisions
loneliness
crowds
overly solicitous people
having one of my poems used as evidence against me
the inability to memorize
age
fear of the cold
fear of the cat who will not rest as i try to sleep
hunger that makes no sense
certain death
certain life, the dawn, the need to move forward
myself
my inability to let things go
my inability to care
my inability to care enough
my evil, my selfish, my ignorance, my lack of empathy
the way my mouth curves down most days
my teeth and their crooked truth telling
parents, sister, wife and more
my self
me
myself and my unexpressed revolts