this is the loneliest and saddest xmas eve i’ve spent in my entire life.

i’m fine, but still…

you can know something’s right, follow through on it, and it still hurts.

i’m not one of those who believes that happiness is the be-all and end-all of existence. at least, not moment to moment happiness…fulfillment takes time, and pain, and suffering in some degree.

i am suffering tonight. i expected to be suffering tonight. that doesn’t make it easier.

happy birthday, rachel and alex!

and — for all of you — trim your trees, light your candles; and i think “may your days be merry and bright” applies no matter what the festivities may be.

peace. may the new year offer greater opportunities and happiness than we’ve known.

and thank you. you all kept me coming back from some pretty horrible edges this year. may i do the same someday for you. more to the point, may you never need me to; but if God forbid it happens and i can, i shall.

love,
T

you’re welcome, y’all.

😉

there are days
when humans long
to have their swim bladders back
long for prehensile tails
and pre-opposable thumbs

there are days
when humans daydream
of evolution as a lazy river
sluggish enough to let them travel
against the current

there are days
when humans hear the story
of a two year old watching
his mother being raped
for three days straight

by a man clutching
a thirteen inch butcher knife
who had been let out of jail
on a stabbing charge
just before the kidnapping

there are days when old skeletons
are dragged from the earth
scraps of skirts still clinging around the hipbones
they stare nameless out of their forensic bags
for too long

there are days
and days of swollen bellies
and empty eyes
flies in the corners of infant mouths
days when the animal spirit recoils

there are days
when it is hard to recall
why some
call humans
the peak of creation

there are days
when the creator
must long
for
a do-over

I still think Sleater-Kinney is the best rock band in America.

And the shirt I bought from Janet on the “All Hands…” tour finally fits.

thanks to everyone who showed up at SPEAK tonight.

um, that would be me.

and here i was planning to offer holiday oral to all, um, comers.

where you just know you’re done, and it’s just right?

yeah. it’s one of those days.

i couldn’t sleep.

i got up.

i tossed the widescreen edition of “reservoir dogs” into the laptop.

it just ended.

for some strange reason, my ear hurts. i really can’t sleep now.

i might just grab the guitar and teach myself “stuck in the middle with you.”

realized that I am imminently single.

Strictly (and I want to stress this –STRICTLY) for entertainment purposes, I am curious as to how one would approach the whole subject of random sex for sheer pleasure’s sake nowadays…

Keep in mind — this is supposed to be FUNNY. Not a solicitation for sex, ok?

But let’s find out — what does it take to get you into the sack? I promise to use the info for good and not for evil.

Feel free to lie through your teeth for the sheer joy of it.

Personally, I’m heterosexual and not particularly kinky, so I suppose a simple “let’s get naked” would do it for me.

Come to think of it, I suspect that a simple “You wanna?” would suffice.

Oh hell, “Hello” would probably do it.

Dig in, you sluts. I’m doing this for you as much as for me.

out of a dead sleep.

gonna go downstairs and see how i feel.

back in a sec.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

well, THAT sucked.

the pain seems to have dulled from earlier but is more widespread.

this is NOT good.