if
an angel exists
even one angel
let me be
a failure
in his sight
prostrate
upon the dirty floor
of my room
trapped in
the great song
of his wings
let him
lift me
upon exalted arms
lift me shamed
into a new life
beyond
the grey streets
the holes in my nights
the things i see
when i close my eyes
to sleep
and do not sleep
this is the loneliest and saddest xmas eve i’ve spent in my entire life.
i’m fine, but still…
you can know something’s right, follow through on it, and it still hurts.
i’m not one of those who believes that happiness is the be-all and end-all of existence. at least, not moment to moment happiness…fulfillment takes time, and pain, and suffering in some degree.
i am suffering tonight. i expected to be suffering tonight. that doesn’t make it easier.
happy birthday, rachel and alex!
and — for all of you — trim your trees, light your candles; and i think “may your days be merry and bright” applies no matter what the festivities may be.
peace. may the new year offer greater opportunities and happiness than we’ve known.
and thank you. you all kept me coming back from some pretty horrible edges this year. may i do the same someday for you. more to the point, may you never need me to; but if God forbid it happens and i can, i shall.
love,
T
Dark Matter 