because once again, i’m headed for bed…

because hell or high water i’m going to work in the AM…

because i’m feeling better enough to think i can…

and because against all odds, i’m tired of playing with my powerbook for the night.

(have I mentioned how much i love my powerbook?)

may all your children be born naked.

there’s a jazz show on public radio here in MA called “eric in the evening.” been on for years.

the opening theme is Horace Silver’s “Peace.”

after years of hearing it, i realized that there is a sense of comfort and, yes, peace that comes over me whenever i hear it. it’s like an old friend is knocking on the door and you look up to see him and feel glad he’s there.

i don’t think it’s about eric jackson himself (the host) or the show, although i like the show…it’s a little too mainstream for my taste a lot of the time. lots of ahmad jamal, stanley turrentine, etc. which i like, but it’s not my favorite stuff (things like ornette, trane, braxton, ayler, etc.)

no, it’s the song. and what i love is that instead of a snippet, they play the whole thing every night.

i have realized it belongs on the list of my favorite songs.

and here, i thought i was done discovering them.

both my wife and my therapist have asked me tonight if this is about being depressed.

one of the things i hate about being bipolar is that everyone around you assumes that everything that goes on with you is related to the condition.

this includes me, of course, as i second guess everything.

not this time. i’m sick.

i had a bowl of cereal, at least….but now i feel bloated and gross.

and i will be asleep again shortly.

immediately after typing the last entry, i fell asleep again.

sigh.

and i still don’t believe i’ll have trouble sleeping tonight.

sigh.

i’m also fucking freezing. whose idea was winter anyway?

sigh.

i’m going to try and eat something now. i had a bowl of cereal yesterday. that’s it.

sigh.

i am no longer sleepy, i can obviously look at the computer w/o wincing, and i might actually be hungry.

i think i’m better. will have to calculate hours of sleep in the last two days, but it’s gotta be 18-24 fer sure.

still achy as a sumbitch. we’ll see what happens next.

with the staying home. again with the sick.

it’s turned into a body ache all over. comes and goes.

calling the doctor later.

still sleepy. still ready to sleep some more.

for some reason, i’m a little worried about this.