Daily Archives: November 5, 2005

some kind of prayer

there is a kind of prayer
crazier than most
dusted with black sugar
studded with hard knocks
soaked for hours in confessional brine
a prayer that eats false piety clean through
and drinks like a sailor on one last bender

these prayers were first written in the plague years
rode on the saddle horns of cavalry in civil wars
were breathed by the dozens on reservations and in camps
became stronger thru pogroms and holocaust
and glowed poison white when offered to the traditional god —

because you don’t pray like this
to just any god

this prayer reaches a god of gold cadillacs
a god of ptomaine diners and roundheeled hookers
a god of dropped balls and last chances
this crazy prayer
drags a true god kicking and screaming
into view
a god who loves the desperate
and allows the sword to once in a while
be mightier than the pen
the word
or mercy


question

This, by the way, has nothing to do with critique I’ve received here. It applies to another site where I post stuff from time to time.

I recently received feedback on a poem (the “country highway” poem) that followed all along the same lines — which is that the piece was unfinished, was too symbolic, needed more detail, etc.

One of the critics took it upon himself to riff on the poem, not editing it but creating a whole follow up stanza which the various critics agreed was better than the original and showed more of what they were talking about. One even suggested i should now move the poem to the “collaborative” poems section because of the additions that had been made. And the author of the new stanza — whose work i do respect — said he was was just doing it to show me “the poem that the sketch i had written could have been.”

Now, mind you, I’m not upset about any of this. People have their own perceptions, of course. But this doesn’t feel like useful feedback, paritally because it missed the point of how i wanted the original poem to feel — deliberately dry and academic in its approach to a powerful subject. In other words, no one dealt with the poem in front of them, but rather with the poem they would have written on the same subject.

I’m at a loss as to how to respond. How do I say, “um…no” when critique is this far off of the intent without appearing totally asinine and defensive?