the thing is, i think i’d be dead right now if it wasn’t for the whole permanence and messiness of it.
i really like that whole three days in the grave thing. i suppose i could go for a long weekend in haverhill, and that would be similar.
seriously: not happy right now. hope this helps.
1. joined the national bone marrow donor registry today. can’t donate if i’m dead with this one.
2. although rain was predicted, it did not rain. it’s sunny right now.
3. all cats are healthy, and shots are now up to date. they also don’t hate me too much.
4. dug out my old exercise bike and brought it to my dad to use. he just had knee replacement surgery.
5. last few poems did not suck. (edited to reduce qualification)
6. i’m off the most debilitating of my meds, seroquel, for a test period.
7. my mockingbird is back for the fifth year in a row.
8. i’m home alone working on a paper. i’m back in college, and i’m keeping up.
9. i have incense lit and feel like a friggin hippie and don’t care.
10. i don’t feel that naming these things is an invitation to have them disappear. at least, not this minute. i’ll take this minute.
(thanks, d, for the inspiration.)
Dark Matter 
May 16th, 2005 at 5:45 am
That’s way too much pressure. Friendship’s good enough.
May 16th, 2005 at 5:45 am
That’s way too much pressure. Friendship’s good enough.
May 16th, 2005 at 5:45 am
That’s way too much pressure. Friendship’s good enough.
May 16th, 2005 at 5:45 am
That’s way too much pressure. Friendship’s good enough.
May 16th, 2005 at 3:30 am
Re: also,
ok. sounds like a deal, love.
May 16th, 2005 at 3:30 am
Re: also,
ok. sounds like a deal, love.
May 16th, 2005 at 3:30 am
Re: also,
ok. sounds like a deal, love.
May 16th, 2005 at 3:30 am
Re: also,
ok. sounds like a deal, love.
May 15th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
also,
u can just make a deal with me
i won’t kill myself
so u can’t either
May 15th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
also,
u can just make a deal with me
i won’t kill myself
so u can’t either
May 15th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
also,
u can just make a deal with me
i won’t kill myself
so u can’t either
May 15th, 2005 at 9:59 pm
also,
u can just make a deal with me
i won’t kill myself
so u can’t either
May 15th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
11. Laura’s hero.
And she doesn’t have many, so she can’t afford to lose you.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
11. Laura’s hero.
And she doesn’t have many, so she can’t afford to lose you.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
11. Laura’s hero.
And she doesn’t have many, so she can’t afford to lose you.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:53 pm
11. Laura’s hero.
And she doesn’t have many, so she can’t afford to lose you.
May 15th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Re: thank you…
We should chat about many things sometime. Let me know when and where and I’ll be there – your house, mine or wherever strikes your fancy. I think we’d have a lot to talk about.
May 15th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Re: thank you…
We should chat about many things sometime. Let me know when and where and I’ll be there – your house, mine or wherever strikes your fancy. I think we’d have a lot to talk about.
May 15th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Re: thank you…
We should chat about many things sometime. Let me know when and where and I’ll be there – your house, mine or wherever strikes your fancy. I think we’d have a lot to talk about.
May 15th, 2005 at 3:06 am
Re: thank you…
We should chat about many things sometime. Let me know when and where and I’ll be there – your house, mine or wherever strikes your fancy. I think we’d have a lot to talk about.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:43 am
Re: thank you…
You’re welcome — it was good to read it.
We should chat re OKC sometime.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:43 am
Re: thank you…
You’re welcome — it was good to read it.
We should chat re OKC sometime.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:43 am
Re: thank you…
You’re welcome — it was good to read it.
We should chat re OKC sometime.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:43 am
Re: thank you…
You’re welcome — it was good to read it.
We should chat re OKC sometime.
May 15th, 2005 at 2:31 am
thank you…
…I need to do that for myself.
Sometimes I am afraid that it was all too much at the same time – the 10th anniversary of Oklahoma City snuck up and hit me over the head with a mallet, and by then I’d already committed to very big things right after – school next week, and the dance fundraiser at the Palladium June 3rd.
I’m stressing a lot over other things that have blown through my life as well.
But I am remembering (and reminded Tim):
1. going to school gives me structure and order, I crave that. I know what is expected of me, when it’s expected, and how I will be judged.
2. I am finally doing what I have *always* wanted to do in school – since I was in high school over 20 years ago, I wanted to do this. It will be a heady experience to have a whole schedule devoted to what fascinates me instead of just a few courses.
3. I finally gave up the secrets that were eating me up with guilt – and was forgiven. Part of the guilt was knowing that I had done something I didn’t feel good about, and that needed to be told to the most important person in my life (besides myself).
4. I am going to do my best to make this dance event at least break even (and I am full anticipating even more) and it has the potential to start the ball rolling for an actual “dance scene” in central MA that we don’t have to go somewhere else to enjoy. And I get to try and start it with my friends while contributing to WCUW, who have given me a great opportunity in keeping my show alive.
5. I survived April 19, 2005. And April 20, 2005 (which was even worse than the 19th, because it was the beach ball underwater syndrome – I spent all my energy that day holding it underwater, and on the 20th I relaxed just a bit and that beach ball popped out of the water with breathtaking speed and height. But I survived that, too.
6. The dogs love me.
7. People love my mixes and want more of them, even when I’m not totally happy with them. 🙂 I know my stuff. (just like your poems)
8. I have friends to relax and knit with (thank you Sou!) on a weekly basis. That was so soothing!
9. I have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, running water in my bathroom where it’s supposed to be, and heat when I need it. I didn’t even have that a year ago.
10. I have a mother who loves me more than my biological one was ever capable of – and I’m even learning to accept that love more freely!
(I talk too much but thank you for giving me the idea and a space to do it. 🙂
May 15th, 2005 at 2:31 am
thank you…
…I need to do that for myself.
Sometimes I am afraid that it was all too much at the same time – the 10th anniversary of Oklahoma City snuck up and hit me over the head with a mallet, and by then I’d already committed to very big things right after – school next week, and the dance fundraiser at the Palladium June 3rd.
I’m stressing a lot over other things that have blown through my life as well.
But I am remembering (and reminded Tim):
1. going to school gives me structure and order, I crave that. I know what is expected of me, when it’s expected, and how I will be judged.
2. I am finally doing what I have *always* wanted to do in school – since I was in high school over 20 years ago, I wanted to do this. It will be a heady experience to have a whole schedule devoted to what fascinates me instead of just a few courses.
3. I finally gave up the secrets that were eating me up with guilt – and was forgiven. Part of the guilt was knowing that I had done something I didn’t feel good about, and that needed to be told to the most important person in my life (besides myself).
4. I am going to do my best to make this dance event at least break even (and I am full anticipating even more) and it has the potential to start the ball rolling for an actual “dance scene” in central MA that we don’t have to go somewhere else to enjoy. And I get to try and start it with my friends while contributing to WCUW, who have given me a great opportunity in keeping my show alive.
5. I survived April 19, 2005. And April 20, 2005 (which was even worse than the 19th, because it was the beach ball underwater syndrome – I spent all my energy that day holding it underwater, and on the 20th I relaxed just a bit and that beach ball popped out of the water with breathtaking speed and height. But I survived that, too.
6. The dogs love me.
7. People love my mixes and want more of them, even when I’m not totally happy with them. 🙂 I know my stuff. (just like your poems)
8. I have friends to relax and knit with (thank you Sou!) on a weekly basis. That was so soothing!
9. I have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, running water in my bathroom where it’s supposed to be, and heat when I need it. I didn’t even have that a year ago.
10. I have a mother who loves me more than my biological one was ever capable of – and I’m even learning to accept that love more freely!
(I talk too much but thank you for giving me the idea and a space to do it. 🙂
May 15th, 2005 at 2:31 am
thank you…
…I need to do that for myself.
Sometimes I am afraid that it was all too much at the same time – the 10th anniversary of Oklahoma City snuck up and hit me over the head with a mallet, and by then I’d already committed to very big things right after – school next week, and the dance fundraiser at the Palladium June 3rd.
I’m stressing a lot over other things that have blown through my life as well.
But I am remembering (and reminded Tim):
1. going to school gives me structure and order, I crave that. I know what is expected of me, when it’s expected, and how I will be judged.
2. I am finally doing what I have *always* wanted to do in school – since I was in high school over 20 years ago, I wanted to do this. It will be a heady experience to have a whole schedule devoted to what fascinates me instead of just a few courses.
3. I finally gave up the secrets that were eating me up with guilt – and was forgiven. Part of the guilt was knowing that I had done something I didn’t feel good about, and that needed to be told to the most important person in my life (besides myself).
4. I am going to do my best to make this dance event at least break even (and I am full anticipating even more) and it has the potential to start the ball rolling for an actual “dance scene” in central MA that we don’t have to go somewhere else to enjoy. And I get to try and start it with my friends while contributing to WCUW, who have given me a great opportunity in keeping my show alive.
5. I survived April 19, 2005. And April 20, 2005 (which was even worse than the 19th, because it was the beach ball underwater syndrome – I spent all my energy that day holding it underwater, and on the 20th I relaxed just a bit and that beach ball popped out of the water with breathtaking speed and height. But I survived that, too.
6. The dogs love me.
7. People love my mixes and want more of them, even when I’m not totally happy with them. 🙂 I know my stuff. (just like your poems)
8. I have friends to relax and knit with (thank you Sou!) on a weekly basis. That was so soothing!
9. I have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, running water in my bathroom where it’s supposed to be, and heat when I need it. I didn’t even have that a year ago.
10. I have a mother who loves me more than my biological one was ever capable of – and I’m even learning to accept that love more freely!
(I talk too much but thank you for giving me the idea and a space to do it. 🙂
May 15th, 2005 at 2:31 am
thank you…
…I need to do that for myself.
Sometimes I am afraid that it was all too much at the same time – the 10th anniversary of Oklahoma City snuck up and hit me over the head with a mallet, and by then I’d already committed to very big things right after – school next week, and the dance fundraiser at the Palladium June 3rd.
I’m stressing a lot over other things that have blown through my life as well.
But I am remembering (and reminded Tim):
1. going to school gives me structure and order, I crave that. I know what is expected of me, when it’s expected, and how I will be judged.
2. I am finally doing what I have *always* wanted to do in school – since I was in high school over 20 years ago, I wanted to do this. It will be a heady experience to have a whole schedule devoted to what fascinates me instead of just a few courses.
3. I finally gave up the secrets that were eating me up with guilt – and was forgiven. Part of the guilt was knowing that I had done something I didn’t feel good about, and that needed to be told to the most important person in my life (besides myself).
4. I am going to do my best to make this dance event at least break even (and I am full anticipating even more) and it has the potential to start the ball rolling for an actual “dance scene” in central MA that we don’t have to go somewhere else to enjoy. And I get to try and start it with my friends while contributing to WCUW, who have given me a great opportunity in keeping my show alive.
5. I survived April 19, 2005. And April 20, 2005 (which was even worse than the 19th, because it was the beach ball underwater syndrome – I spent all my energy that day holding it underwater, and on the 20th I relaxed just a bit and that beach ball popped out of the water with breathtaking speed and height. But I survived that, too.
6. The dogs love me.
7. People love my mixes and want more of them, even when I’m not totally happy with them. 🙂 I know my stuff. (just like your poems)
8. I have friends to relax and knit with (thank you Sou!) on a weekly basis. That was so soothing!
9. I have a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, running water in my bathroom where it’s supposed to be, and heat when I need it. I didn’t even have that a year ago.
10. I have a mother who loves me more than my biological one was ever capable of – and I’m even learning to accept that love more freely!
(I talk too much but thank you for giving me the idea and a space to do it. 🙂
May 15th, 2005 at 1:49 am
10. i don’t feel that naming these things is an invitation to have them disappear. at least, not this minute. i’ll take this minute.
that one shot straight into me, bypassing my armor entirely. thank you for your bravery.
May 15th, 2005 at 1:49 am
10. i don’t feel that naming these things is an invitation to have them disappear. at least, not this minute. i’ll take this minute.
that one shot straight into me, bypassing my armor entirely. thank you for your bravery.
May 15th, 2005 at 1:49 am
10. i don’t feel that naming these things is an invitation to have them disappear. at least, not this minute. i’ll take this minute.
that one shot straight into me, bypassing my armor entirely. thank you for your bravery.
May 15th, 2005 at 1:49 am
10. i don’t feel that naming these things is an invitation to have them disappear. at least, not this minute. i’ll take this minute.
that one shot straight into me, bypassing my armor entirely. thank you for your bravery.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:03 am
Hard to argue with that.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:03 am
Hard to argue with that.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:03 am
Hard to argue with that.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:03 am
Hard to argue with that.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
ok, hon. thanks.
you take care of you, ok?
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
ok, hon. thanks.
you take care of you, ok?
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
ok, hon. thanks.
you take care of you, ok?
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
ok, hon. thanks.
you take care of you, ok?
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
Me too. Hard to describe how I feel nowadays — in a down spiral, but softly, softly.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
Me too. Hard to describe how I feel nowadays — in a down spiral, but softly, softly.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
Me too. Hard to describe how I feel nowadays — in a down spiral, but softly, softly.
May 15th, 2005 at 12:02 am
Me too. Hard to describe how I feel nowadays — in a down spiral, but softly, softly.
May 14th, 2005 at 11:54 pm
Well, if you check out I can never say “HI” to you in person, next time I and my friends are at a reading you are at.
SMILE!
Isis O Isis
May 14th, 2005 at 11:54 pm
Well, if you check out I can never say “HI” to you in person, next time I and my friends are at a reading you are at.
SMILE!
Isis O Isis
May 14th, 2005 at 11:54 pm
Well, if you check out I can never say “HI” to you in person, next time I and my friends are at a reading you are at.
SMILE!
Isis O Isis
May 14th, 2005 at 11:54 pm
Well, if you check out I can never say “HI” to you in person, next time I and my friends are at a reading you are at.
SMILE!
Isis O Isis
May 14th, 2005 at 11:26 pm
I agree with kickasphalt.
If you need an ear, I’m here. It’s a two-way street.
May 14th, 2005 at 11:26 pm
I agree with kickasphalt.
If you need an ear, I’m here. It’s a two-way street.
May 14th, 2005 at 11:26 pm
I agree with kickasphalt.
If you need an ear, I’m here. It’s a two-way street.
May 14th, 2005 at 11:26 pm
I agree with kickasphalt.
If you need an ear, I’m here. It’s a two-way street.
May 14th, 2005 at 10:40 pm
i’m glad you’re still here.
May 14th, 2005 at 10:40 pm
i’m glad you’re still here.
May 14th, 2005 at 10:40 pm
i’m glad you’re still here.
May 14th, 2005 at 10:40 pm
i’m glad you’re still here.