Some of you know I had a meltdown earlier today that was…well, extreme. And frankly, more extreme than I allowed my self to believe.

Your concerns for my safety were both appreciated and well founded, I am embarrassed to say.

I will promise you all that I will seek immediate and direct in person help if it gets that bad again.

While it’s no secret that I’ve been fighting depression for years, I have to say it’s been a very long time since I got that far into a hole, and was actively thinking about self harm.

And I’m pretty freaked out about it.

In general, I’ve been doing better; but I think that the cycling piece is different, and pretty wearing on me overall. My sleep is also pretty disturbed as a result of the new cocktail, which makes for rough mornings, added time pressure, etc.

I am looking on this afternoon as a warning sign.

You need to understand that I am deeply embarrassed at having frightened my friends this afternoon. Many of you know I’ve carried on a long crusade to erase the perception of mental illness as a necessary part, or even cause, of creative ability; the same kind of mentality that has caused us to lose some great artists.

I think of Chris Branch, from St. Louis, most immediately when I think of this.

So when I find myself in the same trough, it’s hard to reconcile my high minded rhetoric with the truth that I can be as much a wallower as the worst teen angst poets.

At any rate, my apologies if I frightened anyone.

I will be absent from here, I think, for a bit…until I get myself settled and more stable again.

Thanks for your patience and love. It is more than I could hope for.

I was just having a bad moment.

Please, don’t worry about me. I am sorry to have caused anyone any anxiety.

I will be going home shortly, I have various doctor’s appointments tomorrow and will not be at work again until Friday.

Your concern was deeply moving to me. Thank you.

I am safe, I promise. And I will remain so.