Here’s the first draft, with huge kudos to ablueeyedboy for providing the catalyst for this piece.
The story he posted about his friend dealing with racist remarks was a key in helping me think about my own experiences of hearing racist remarks about my own background, and thinking through the whole “what do I do now?” decision tree.
Still a first draft — missing the “monk” reference, which may or may not materialize here. And it’s in my usual first draft style of limited punctuation, which will change in the alter drafts for sure.
Thanks, Liam …couldna done it without you…
Casual
with your vinegar-gleam hair
tucked back
behind your ears
with your careful pose and your
neutrality you’ve gone
far
but now
oh now
your face goes to war
with your faith in your makeover
one small tic
of the lip betrays you
as small talk turns
to easy categories and comforting
lies about
those people
you are
one of those people
but that’s been
hidden from these people –
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
or do you
take another drink
and bite down
hard?
Dark Matter 
July 29th, 2004 at 1:37 pm
Re: sant some
Don’t feel cheesy — those are good notes. Definitely worth considering, especially the stuff about the first section re: hiding. Will absolutely work on that.
That last stanza: it’s one of those cases where I’m trying for the associative effect — pretty common in Spanish poetry, not so much in English — where you use images that suggest and guide the reader’s inner understanding without tying them explicitly to the subject at hand. Lorca is good for this, ditto Neruda. I’m always struggling with it, but it’s worth the work to my eyes…
That said, it’s admittedly pretty cliche here. Again, more work to be done.
Thanks…
July 29th, 2004 at 1:37 pm
Re: sant some
Don’t feel cheesy — those are good notes. Definitely worth considering, especially the stuff about the first section re: hiding. Will absolutely work on that.
That last stanza: it’s one of those cases where I’m trying for the associative effect — pretty common in Spanish poetry, not so much in English — where you use images that suggest and guide the reader’s inner understanding without tying them explicitly to the subject at hand. Lorca is good for this, ditto Neruda. I’m always struggling with it, but it’s worth the work to my eyes…
That said, it’s admittedly pretty cliche here. Again, more work to be done.
Thanks…
July 29th, 2004 at 1:37 pm
Re: sant some
Don’t feel cheesy — those are good notes. Definitely worth considering, especially the stuff about the first section re: hiding. Will absolutely work on that.
That last stanza: it’s one of those cases where I’m trying for the associative effect — pretty common in Spanish poetry, not so much in English — where you use images that suggest and guide the reader’s inner understanding without tying them explicitly to the subject at hand. Lorca is good for this, ditto Neruda. I’m always struggling with it, but it’s worth the work to my eyes…
That said, it’s admittedly pretty cliche here. Again, more work to be done.
Thanks…
July 29th, 2004 at 1:37 pm
Re: sant some
Don’t feel cheesy — those are good notes. Definitely worth considering, especially the stuff about the first section re: hiding. Will absolutely work on that.
That last stanza: it’s one of those cases where I’m trying for the associative effect — pretty common in Spanish poetry, not so much in English — where you use images that suggest and guide the reader’s inner understanding without tying them explicitly to the subject at hand. Lorca is good for this, ditto Neruda. I’m always struggling with it, but it’s worth the work to my eyes…
That said, it’s admittedly pretty cliche here. Again, more work to be done.
Thanks…
July 29th, 2004 at 1:37 pm
Re: sant some
Don’t feel cheesy — those are good notes. Definitely worth considering, especially the stuff about the first section re: hiding. Will absolutely work on that.
That last stanza: it’s one of those cases where I’m trying for the associative effect — pretty common in Spanish poetry, not so much in English — where you use images that suggest and guide the reader’s inner understanding without tying them explicitly to the subject at hand. Lorca is good for this, ditto Neruda. I’m always struggling with it, but it’s worth the work to my eyes…
That said, it’s admittedly pretty cliche here. Again, more work to be done.
Thanks…
July 29th, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Re: sant some
Drafty wafty, i won’t pick at wording too much. It’s subjective and early in a poem none of the words to me seem to be all that sticky sept a few key phrases.
I like the flow to chop. It’s nifty. I mostly see stuff towards the end.
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
There are alot of bisexual men, imparticular, who get by in the “strait” world basically by acting “strait”. They aren’t, exactly, but they have half their sexuality to sit before them like a shield and walk easily through the homophobia and machismo of much of modern male adult society.
Jenn does a similiar thing, relating to her mother, and her mothers family and ethnicity and hiding beneath it.
I’d play that feeling up and extend that stanza, or maybe add, dunno, just looks like a happy place for stuff.
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
Same thing really.
See it, feel it. What will your lover be embarassed about, why? what is a combat dog, you know that typical comment “show me, don’t tell me”.
blah, i’m silly.
I always feel cheesy critiquing poetry.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Re: sant some
Drafty wafty, i won’t pick at wording too much. It’s subjective and early in a poem none of the words to me seem to be all that sticky sept a few key phrases.
I like the flow to chop. It’s nifty. I mostly see stuff towards the end.
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
There are alot of bisexual men, imparticular, who get by in the “strait” world basically by acting “strait”. They aren’t, exactly, but they have half their sexuality to sit before them like a shield and walk easily through the homophobia and machismo of much of modern male adult society.
Jenn does a similiar thing, relating to her mother, and her mothers family and ethnicity and hiding beneath it.
I’d play that feeling up and extend that stanza, or maybe add, dunno, just looks like a happy place for stuff.
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
Same thing really.
See it, feel it. What will your lover be embarassed about, why? what is a combat dog, you know that typical comment “show me, don’t tell me”.
blah, i’m silly.
I always feel cheesy critiquing poetry.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Re: sant some
Drafty wafty, i won’t pick at wording too much. It’s subjective and early in a poem none of the words to me seem to be all that sticky sept a few key phrases.
I like the flow to chop. It’s nifty. I mostly see stuff towards the end.
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
There are alot of bisexual men, imparticular, who get by in the “strait” world basically by acting “strait”. They aren’t, exactly, but they have half their sexuality to sit before them like a shield and walk easily through the homophobia and machismo of much of modern male adult society.
Jenn does a similiar thing, relating to her mother, and her mothers family and ethnicity and hiding beneath it.
I’d play that feeling up and extend that stanza, or maybe add, dunno, just looks like a happy place for stuff.
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
Same thing really.
See it, feel it. What will your lover be embarassed about, why? what is a combat dog, you know that typical comment “show me, don’t tell me”.
blah, i’m silly.
I always feel cheesy critiquing poetry.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Re: sant some
Drafty wafty, i won’t pick at wording too much. It’s subjective and early in a poem none of the words to me seem to be all that sticky sept a few key phrases.
I like the flow to chop. It’s nifty. I mostly see stuff towards the end.
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
There are alot of bisexual men, imparticular, who get by in the “strait” world basically by acting “strait”. They aren’t, exactly, but they have half their sexuality to sit before them like a shield and walk easily through the homophobia and machismo of much of modern male adult society.
Jenn does a similiar thing, relating to her mother, and her mothers family and ethnicity and hiding beneath it.
I’d play that feeling up and extend that stanza, or maybe add, dunno, just looks like a happy place for stuff.
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
Same thing really.
See it, feel it. What will your lover be embarassed about, why? what is a combat dog, you know that typical comment “show me, don’t tell me”.
blah, i’m silly.
I always feel cheesy critiquing poetry.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Re: sant some
Drafty wafty, i won’t pick at wording too much. It’s subjective and early in a poem none of the words to me seem to be all that sticky sept a few key phrases.
I like the flow to chop. It’s nifty. I mostly see stuff towards the end.
take a step back and dive away for a moment
from the safety
of being inside —
There are alot of bisexual men, imparticular, who get by in the “strait” world basically by acting “strait”. They aren’t, exactly, but they have half their sexuality to sit before them like a shield and walk easily through the homophobia and machismo of much of modern male adult society.
Jenn does a similiar thing, relating to her mother, and her mothers family and ethnicity and hiding beneath it.
I’d play that feeling up and extend that stanza, or maybe add, dunno, just looks like a happy place for stuff.
do you make it public?
do you embarrass your lover?
do you play the combat dog?
do you tear the dream from the mouths of babes?
Same thing really.
See it, feel it. What will your lover be embarassed about, why? what is a combat dog, you know that typical comment “show me, don’t tell me”.
blah, i’m silly.
I always feel cheesy critiquing poetry.
July 29th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Re: sant some
Hells yeah! That’s how this works. 😉
July 29th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Re: sant some
Hells yeah! That’s how this works. 😉
July 29th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Re: sant some
Hells yeah! That’s how this works. 😉
July 29th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Re: sant some
Hells yeah! That’s how this works. 😉
July 29th, 2004 at 1:06 pm
Re: sant some
Hells yeah! That’s how this works. 😉
July 29th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
sant some
feedback?
July 29th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
sant some
feedback?
July 29th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
sant some
feedback?
July 29th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
sant some
feedback?
July 29th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
sant some
feedback?