Monthly Archives: May 2004

New poem, first draft

Just reacting, y’all…

NEWS CONFERENCES

When the President says, “these pictures are not
the America I know,” I believe him in spite of
the crows that have slipped into the air above him,
that flew out of his mouth wanting
someplace cleaner to land. What America does he know,

they are thinking, circling Marion, circling Leavenworth,
Sand Creek, Vieques, Wounded Knee? What country does he know
that is free of hoods and electrodes, forced sodomy,
humiliation? That would be a great place to land,
they think, soaring out over the face of the flood.

When the President says, “These acts were perpetrated by
a few soldiers who will be prosecuted to…” , we know the rest:
the snakes drop from his lips and slide over his feet, tingling and venomous;
we’ll see small trials and big cameras
with someone bowing and scraping before them; and soon after, nothing

will happen. Somewhere a dove finds a tree
to land in, but something must have gotten there first;
there are big black feathers everywhere, shit covers the limbs,
bones in the droppings point to small violence repeated again and again;
there’s not a crow to be seen.

When the President says he knows he is right, I know he is telling
the truth. He can afford to be, in his world of crows and snakes
where no one is tortured who doesn’t deserve it, where he can shake his head
at people being people. “These are bad guys,” he says. He’s right.
War can do that: the love of country and home

makes bad guys of us all. The soldier smells Iowa in the fear-sweat of his charge
as he clips the wires onto the scrotum. The terrorist dreams of sheep and green pastures
in the light of burning towers. The crows steal the eyes from the bodies
that have been left behind. The snakes curl through ribcages and skulls. The waters are rising
higher all the time. The President is sure he’s got it right.


Hi all —

New meds/dosages kicking my ass tight now, so don’t expect much…

900 MG Lithium (unchanged)
40 MG Prozac (doubled)
50 MG Seroquel ( new — heavy duty anti-psychotic; in this low dose, designed to stop the mania that’s keeping me up nights)

I feel like a zombie. But I took today off and wrote. That was good.

More when I can focus.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

12:30 AM: guess what?

It ain’t working. Shit.

I took a whole pill on Saturday night and slept for 18 hours (thus explaining why I didn’t make it to Asylum semifinals).

Shit again.

I’d like to be more eloquent, but I think that sums it up better than any poem at this point.


Hi all —

New meds/dosages kicking my ass tight now, so don’t expect much…

900 MG Lithium (unchanged)
40 MG Prozac (doubled)
50 MG Seroquel ( new — heavy duty anti-psychotic; in this low dose, designed to stop the mania that’s keeping me up nights)

I feel like a zombie. But I took today off and wrote. That was good.

More when I can focus.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

12:30 AM: guess what?

It ain’t working. Shit.

I took a whole pill on Saturday night and slept for 18 hours (thus explaining why I didn’t make it to Asylum semifinals).

Shit again.

I’d like to be more eloquent, but I think that sums it up better than any poem at this point.


Bad day at Black Rock.

Another day with next to no sleep.

Zero Point Zero is up; first part of a two parter on getting started on a poem. The second part will be the real meat of this, to be honest with you.

That’s about it. Congrats to all my buddies on Providence and Urbana. I’m outie.


Bad day at Black Rock.

Another day with next to no sleep.

Zero Point Zero is up; first part of a two parter on getting started on a poem. The second part will be the real meat of this, to be honest with you.

That’s about it. Congrats to all my buddies on Providence and Urbana. I’m outie.


Possible scenario for the fall elections:

In an effort to ensure victory, Bush cans a couple of key players: Rumsfeld, Richard Myers, maybe Colin Powell (who will likely leave after the first term anyway).

Once the troublesome few whose “mistakes” led to the Iraqi quagmire are gone, Bush can claim it’s evidence of his leadership and thus advance his profile as the “leader” needed for the struggle ahead.

He might even — get this — do it by admitting that “mistakes have been made,” and use the firing(s) to show his willingness to correct them — without scrapping much of the actual framework of the near-Fascist cabal around him.

I bet that would gain him a few percentage points.

Get Cheney to step down for “health reasons”, put Giuliani in his place, and Iraq and roll is here to stay.


Possible scenario for the fall elections:

In an effort to ensure victory, Bush cans a couple of key players: Rumsfeld, Richard Myers, maybe Colin Powell (who will likely leave after the first term anyway).

Once the troublesome few whose “mistakes” led to the Iraqi quagmire are gone, Bush can claim it’s evidence of his leadership and thus advance his profile as the “leader” needed for the struggle ahead.

He might even — get this — do it by admitting that “mistakes have been made,” and use the firing(s) to show his willingness to correct them — without scrapping much of the actual framework of the near-Fascist cabal around him.

I bet that would gain him a few percentage points.

Get Cheney to step down for “health reasons”, put Giuliani in his place, and Iraq and roll is here to stay.


Yesterday’s post

Was more random statements than a coherent message.

At least, it was meant to be.

Wasn’t it?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe my shrink is right — maybe I do still have issues about 9/11 that I haven’t dealt with.

I had dreams for the first time in ages about Ground Zero — and I realized, I think, why I can’t talk about having been there.

I keep coming back to Lovecraft: his insistence on speaking of the evil of R’yleh as being manifest in the way the architecture looked, how perspectives and angles were off in ways that the human mind couldn’t comprehend and therefore were prone to induce madness.

And I think that’s what I get from my memory of Ground Zero: the idea that facing it will induce madness.

That and the fucking smell.

I can’t use Lovecraft’s tongue to speak of this without trivializing — and yet, that’s where I keep going.

Jesus.


Yesterday’s post

Was more random statements than a coherent message.

At least, it was meant to be.

Wasn’t it?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Maybe my shrink is right — maybe I do still have issues about 9/11 that I haven’t dealt with.

I had dreams for the first time in ages about Ground Zero — and I realized, I think, why I can’t talk about having been there.

I keep coming back to Lovecraft: his insistence on speaking of the evil of R’yleh as being manifest in the way the architecture looked, how perspectives and angles were off in ways that the human mind couldn’t comprehend and therefore were prone to induce madness.

And I think that’s what I get from my memory of Ground Zero: the idea that facing it will induce madness.

That and the fucking smell.

I can’t use Lovecraft’s tongue to speak of this without trivializing — and yet, that’s where I keep going.

Jesus.


Ugh.

Head’s killing me. Damn pills.

I went off the deep end on someone yesterday instead of spending enough time educating as to why something was offensive. It’s not something I’m proud of. It was wrong. Sorry, Chelsey. I shouldn’t have done that.

What is wrong with me? I can’t get it together at all these days.

Feel like the only time I’m functional is on stage. Piss poor way to live.

What happens when that goes too?


Ugh.

Head’s killing me. Damn pills.

I went off the deep end on someone yesterday instead of spending enough time educating as to why something was offensive. It’s not something I’m proud of. It was wrong. Sorry, Chelsey. I shouldn’t have done that.

What is wrong with me? I can’t get it together at all these days.

Feel like the only time I’m functional is on stage. Piss poor way to live.

What happens when that goes too?


Home from Westfield

Westfield is usually a pretty good time, and tonight was no exception. Some good conversation afterwards.

Here’s the setlist:

Telephone Booth Poem #905 (cover, Pedro Pietri)
Unsent Letter to the CEO of Hooters (mine, not akamuu‘s)
Music for Funerals
Revisiting Roses and Violets
Late Night Thoughts While Listening to Fugazi
Getting Ahead
Home on Leave
Braid
Julie
Song for Shootings
Do It Yourself

30 minutes solid with minimal patter. Easily the weirdest set I’ve done in awhile; three premieres (Fugazi, Braid, Home on Leave) and mostly on page (with the cover, Getting Ahead, and DIY being the exceptions). Mostly new shit, obviously; and not especially uplifting, either…with a couple of exceptions.

No real theme tonight, except that I was trying to consciously work in unfamiliar territory — minimal prep and lots of responding in the moment to room dynamics.

I needed an out of the ordinary experience, felt like I got it. Hope the room did too.


Home from Westfield

Westfield is usually a pretty good time, and tonight was no exception. Some good conversation afterwards.

Here’s the setlist:

Telephone Booth Poem #905 (cover, Pedro Pietri)
Unsent Letter to the CEO of Hooters (mine, not akamuu‘s)
Music for Funerals
Revisiting Roses and Violets
Late Night Thoughts While Listening to Fugazi
Getting Ahead
Home on Leave
Braid
Julie
Song for Shootings
Do It Yourself

30 minutes solid with minimal patter. Easily the weirdest set I’ve done in awhile; three premieres (Fugazi, Braid, Home on Leave) and mostly on page (with the cover, Getting Ahead, and DIY being the exceptions). Mostly new shit, obviously; and not especially uplifting, either…with a couple of exceptions.

No real theme tonight, except that I was trying to consciously work in unfamiliar territory — minimal prep and lots of responding in the moment to room dynamics.

I needed an out of the ordinary experience, felt like I got it. Hope the room did too.


UPDATE: Home on Leave (REVISED, midnight)

Revised — thanks, Stefan and Dawn. I read it tonight at my feature and it worked well.

HOME ON LEAVE

The whoosh-snap
of the rifle’s report dissolved
to a fastball’s thud
in my chest.

I only knew it was real
after it had happened.
The only way I knew that sound had been there
was by its immediate absence as I fell back.

This too:
my target
fell without making any sound.
He did not get up again.


Westfield HO!

I’ll be the feature at Jester’s Cafe tonight, out in the strangely appealing decaying Western Massachusetts milltown of Westfield. Reading starts at about 7:30 or so and proceeds apace. If you can make it out, c’mon by; I’m pretty sure I’m starting a manic phase, so it ought to be interesting.

One of the nice things about Jester’s is that the cafe is owned by and is part of a music store that has a reasonable if not particularly distinguished line of acoustic guitars which I can peruse prior to the event.

Heck, maybe I’ll even pick one up and blame the purchase on the impulse control issues so many of us with bipolar syndrome have.

Later for this. Right now, I have to go call the guy at the Bentley dealership back; something about credit approval.