I’m reaching a point of no return with some stuff in my life.
Hard to describe; sort of a turning point. Sort of a revolution in the planetary sense; sort of a drag on the forward motion that makes a top stop its skittering across the floor and come to a standing spin versus a traveling one.
Some reasons exist, but they aren’t important. Reasons exist to facilitate the explanation of movement or lack thereof; they don’t make anything happen. If you are into Voudoun, you’d know that zombies exist without having to ask how they exist. If you live in America, you know that television works without knowing how it does its job. That’s the beauty of reasons; they are completely independent of things themselves, they explain or not, and everything still continues.
At any rate, I’m sitting at work with my legs Lithium-jittering and the cholinergic yawning of the SSRI in full bloom. I look like a sleepy spastic to anyone watching, and the reasons don’t matter.
I’m not fully satisfied that everything will be alright.
Tops fall unless they are whipped incessantly.
I do not know how I keep spinning. That there are reasons I’m still spinning don’t matter; the trick is to forget, over and over, that in another time I’d already be gone.
Forgetfulness and busywork make excellent whips.
Everything is unimaginable until you give up looking for reasons.
Dark Matter 
May 26th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
by the way….
….I offered up some things for your “1st Draft” post.
May 26th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
by the way….
….I offered up some things for your “1st Draft” post.
May 26th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
by the way….
….I offered up some things for your “1st Draft” post.
May 26th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
by the way….
….I offered up some things for your “1st Draft” post.
May 26th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
When I hear this, it makes me wish that there was something that I could do for you, to make just being alive easier for you. I don’t really know if it helps, but sometimes I get unbelievably down, down to a level where it seems like I’ve gone and shut a locked door behind me. I don’t know if it helps you to know that a friend knows (or at least feels as though he may have some idea) of what it’s like. My hurt for you is making me babble. Sorry. Anything I *can* do?
May 26th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
When I hear this, it makes me wish that there was something that I could do for you, to make just being alive easier for you. I don’t really know if it helps, but sometimes I get unbelievably down, down to a level where it seems like I’ve gone and shut a locked door behind me. I don’t know if it helps you to know that a friend knows (or at least feels as though he may have some idea) of what it’s like. My hurt for you is making me babble. Sorry. Anything I *can* do?
May 26th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
When I hear this, it makes me wish that there was something that I could do for you, to make just being alive easier for you. I don’t really know if it helps, but sometimes I get unbelievably down, down to a level where it seems like I’ve gone and shut a locked door behind me. I don’t know if it helps you to know that a friend knows (or at least feels as though he may have some idea) of what it’s like. My hurt for you is making me babble. Sorry. Anything I *can* do?
May 26th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
When I hear this, it makes me wish that there was something that I could do for you, to make just being alive easier for you. I don’t really know if it helps, but sometimes I get unbelievably down, down to a level where it seems like I’ve gone and shut a locked door behind me. I don’t know if it helps you to know that a friend knows (or at least feels as though he may have some idea) of what it’s like. My hurt for you is making me babble. Sorry. Anything I *can* do?
May 26th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
Re: sorry it’s such a rough road.
Y’know, Jeff, it’s not even that it’s such a tough road all the time. By most measures, I’m better than I was even a month ago — sleeping through the night, not so many nasty thoughts of suicide as there were, better focused, etc.
It just takes so much energy all the time to do it. I feel like I’m walking through molasses most of the time.
And the fact that there’s not only no cure, but a better than even chance that I’ll get worse — well, let’s just say it doesn’t lend itself to optimism.
I’ll be ok, I know. I just wanted better than ok.
Thanks.
May 26th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
Re: sorry it’s such a rough road.
Y’know, Jeff, it’s not even that it’s such a tough road all the time. By most measures, I’m better than I was even a month ago — sleeping through the night, not so many nasty thoughts of suicide as there were, better focused, etc.
It just takes so much energy all the time to do it. I feel like I’m walking through molasses most of the time.
And the fact that there’s not only no cure, but a better than even chance that I’ll get worse — well, let’s just say it doesn’t lend itself to optimism.
I’ll be ok, I know. I just wanted better than ok.
Thanks.
May 26th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
Re: sorry it’s such a rough road.
Y’know, Jeff, it’s not even that it’s such a tough road all the time. By most measures, I’m better than I was even a month ago — sleeping through the night, not so many nasty thoughts of suicide as there were, better focused, etc.
It just takes so much energy all the time to do it. I feel like I’m walking through molasses most of the time.
And the fact that there’s not only no cure, but a better than even chance that I’ll get worse — well, let’s just say it doesn’t lend itself to optimism.
I’ll be ok, I know. I just wanted better than ok.
Thanks.
May 26th, 2004 at 1:00 pm
Re: sorry it’s such a rough road.
Y’know, Jeff, it’s not even that it’s such a tough road all the time. By most measures, I’m better than I was even a month ago — sleeping through the night, not so many nasty thoughts of suicide as there were, better focused, etc.
It just takes so much energy all the time to do it. I feel like I’m walking through molasses most of the time.
And the fact that there’s not only no cure, but a better than even chance that I’ll get worse — well, let’s just say it doesn’t lend itself to optimism.
I’ll be ok, I know. I just wanted better than ok.
Thanks.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:41 pm
sorry it’s such a rough road.
one step, then another, you know?
peace and poetry.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:41 pm
sorry it’s such a rough road.
one step, then another, you know?
peace and poetry.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:41 pm
sorry it’s such a rough road.
one step, then another, you know?
peace and poetry.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:41 pm
sorry it’s such a rough road.
one step, then another, you know?
peace and poetry.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:35 pm
Thanks, Win. I’m doing my best.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:35 pm
Thanks, Win. I’m doing my best.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:35 pm
Thanks, Win. I’m doing my best.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:35 pm
Thanks, Win. I’m doing my best.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:19 pm
Some reasons exist, but they aren’t important. Reasons exist to facilitate the explanation of movement or lack thereof; they don’t make anything happen. If you are into Voudoun, you’d know that zombies exist without having to ask how they exist. If you live in America, you know that television works without knowing how it does its job. That’s the beauty of reasons; they are completely independent of things themselves, they explain or not, and everything still continues.
Well said. Hang in there.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:19 pm
Some reasons exist, but they aren’t important. Reasons exist to facilitate the explanation of movement or lack thereof; they don’t make anything happen. If you are into Voudoun, you’d know that zombies exist without having to ask how they exist. If you live in America, you know that television works without knowing how it does its job. That’s the beauty of reasons; they are completely independent of things themselves, they explain or not, and everything still continues.
Well said. Hang in there.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:19 pm
Some reasons exist, but they aren’t important. Reasons exist to facilitate the explanation of movement or lack thereof; they don’t make anything happen. If you are into Voudoun, you’d know that zombies exist without having to ask how they exist. If you live in America, you know that television works without knowing how it does its job. That’s the beauty of reasons; they are completely independent of things themselves, they explain or not, and everything still continues.
Well said. Hang in there.
May 26th, 2004 at 12:19 pm
Some reasons exist, but they aren’t important. Reasons exist to facilitate the explanation of movement or lack thereof; they don’t make anything happen. If you are into Voudoun, you’d know that zombies exist without having to ask how they exist. If you live in America, you know that television works without knowing how it does its job. That’s the beauty of reasons; they are completely independent of things themselves, they explain or not, and everything still continues.
Well said. Hang in there.