Tag Archives: poems

Rubble

The dialogue between those two

was hard to describe
except to say
there was a lot of noise
that carried just a little signal
both intended and unintended
in a bed where each of them
waited cordially, aggressively,
for the next opportunity
to make some noise.
It reminded me of how 

I once was in a house

with walls made
of broken glass
set in rough concrete
so light came through
from outdoors.
From inside it looked
like this conversation sounded:
gems from a distance,
trash close up. I could not
leave that house soon enough,
though I longed and chafed
to be gone, just as

I could not get away

from that conversation.
Prisoner of the moment, I had to 
stay and hear it all, wondering
how it could go on and on
without one saying to the other,

let’s get out of here.  

Let’s not talk for a while. Let’s agree
to take this somewhere else.
Let’s agree to shut up and step outside
into unstained full sunlight
and see what it looks like from there.

By the way,

when I finally escaped
from that house, I found
that from the outside
it just looked like rubble.


Profanity

in this place long ago
lived people who carved

nine thousand names
for their god
into this temple.
every seed they planted they saw
as a spark of green prayer
that would rise 
as it sprouted and grew,
perfuming the eyes of heaven
like sweet smoke.
they could hear and see
voices and vision in the earth itself
back then 

and now you’re trampling that,
tourist.

don’t claim it doesn’t matter
simply because those
who made this place

and worshipped here
are gone.
tell the truth about it:
if all were still thriving,
you still would not care because
you don’t care.

you don’t care about
what is sacred because
you think of
your god
like something from a comic book:
merely a possibility.  

you don’t care
because back home,
your god has no face
in your soil.


This Container

This container
full of chunks of rust
which may have been
tools once, artifacts of 
energy and striving
that have become indistinct
remnants, memorials
to former utility:

today, open.  
Emptying.

Sun on its interior now;
warm, still, 
empty. Maybe comfort
will come with time

but for now,

empty.

 


Advice: On Maintaining A Daily Writing Practice

Originally posted 4/17/2012.

your favorite writers

always tell you 
to write
to keep writing 

your favorite writers

are going to tell you to write all the time

because they claim they did and you

(following along in their wake

like sweet little sleep deprived interns

in the Hospital Of Broken Hearts)

ought to damn well do the same

 

your favorite writers

are going to tell you to write every day

tell you to churn thirty poems in thirty days

or a novel in a month

because that’s how it works

when the Fire is on them

 

that’s how they get to be favorite writers

the poor slobs

that’s how they get to be famous

one month of crazy at a time

maybe for a few months at a time

and voila

the New Hotness doth arrive

 

your favorite writers will tell you

all sorts of things

to disguise the fact that they don’t have a clue

as to how this works 

 

they agitate for cause and effect

because not to is to suggest

a case for werewolves vampires

ghosts and zombies

not as literary devices and archetypes

but as the horrid afterbirth 
of their own failed work

 

listen:

if your gut tells you the best thing for your writing

is to take a month off
square your taxes

screw your neighbor hugely for hours at a time

walk your mother in the park

watch a lot of television

and drink

 you owe it to yourself to try that

because when I look at my favorite writers

I see more of that 
than the cold and sober work they prescribe

for all the whippersnappers and upstarts

 

formulas are for chemists and physicists

writers suck at those things mostly

write when you want

how you want

where you want

 

and for God’s sake
take a shower
eat a sandwich 
and try to get some sleep

 


Falling Off A Chair

I was born
sitting at a table
I knew was not
my true place.

I learned to speak, then to
speak poems,
and the first time

I made a promise
to use all that
on behalf of One True Voice
I felt myself ascending
to the moment of balance

when you tip a chair back 
on two legs and it doesn’t quite
fall but you’re hanging there
waiting.  The first time 
I was able to deliver 
upon such a promise,
I felt myself falling

and though I knew
the end would cause pain

and blood would be shed
it was alright
because I also knew
it would not kill me
and after that 
I would never
have to sit at that table again.


Machismo

Whenever that type of wrong
can happen, it seems to happen.
Bombs or words or bodily
weaponry, whatever’s at hand

gets used when molecular,
falsified, ingrained pride
surges up and kills
any care within. Then

blooms a corpse-floral
fever, more often than 
occasionally, more obviously
than rarely, more normal

than exotic. It stinks
a cancered manhood song. It stinks
a dangled sadness and falling rage
that too often is used and then given

a pass to unpunished commonplace.
To draw it down is a job
and a calling.  To draw it down
is to slice it free of its tethered feeds

and let it sink wildly, flailing its power
at first, then slipping into something 
more feeble, then becoming still.
It is unknown yet what comes after that.


After Fire, Flood, And Love

Originally posted 3/10/2012.

After
fire there’s ash. Warmth
underneath, pale wisp-paper
above, easily dispersed, easily blown around.

After
flood comes muck.  Damp
goes all the way through.
Deep and sucking, holds fast.

After
love — what?   
What should we call that hot bog
that draws us down and won’t let us go?

After
love — let’s not call it.
Let’s not even name it.  Let’s say:
first fire and flood, then ash and mud;

then, after love, nothing.
Nothing comes after love.


Burying The Needle In Massachusetts

Originally posted 2/21/2009.

twenty five, coked out, driving away from my life
with my skewed eyes stuck on the needle
buried at 120 on state road 140  — the snakepath
from the cape to the stubby hills north of Worcester

south of the basalt shadows of New Hampshire
that are full of whatever Lovecraft adored
I strand the Firebird on a leafmold bank
and get out

there’s a puritan darkness under the trees
that still hasn’t lifted
the inbred imp in charge of hating difference
still sits on the bones of the old farm walls

once you get past the liberal mask
and the self-congratulation inside 128
where the Cabots and the Lodges used to play at benevolence
this state’s as redneck as any media slander against the South

there’s a quote from 2 Jeremiah
hanging outside the house across from where I’ve landed
“…your own sword hath devoured your prophets,
like a destroying lion”

some lay ministry of warning
carved with a router into brown stained wood
just like all the
bed and breakfast signs around here

this state looks pretty as hell
in October from inside a minivan
or even from inside a muscle car
at 120 miles an hour

people come and gawk from buses
stay over, buy trinkets and maple sap
go back home to sigh and say
“we love New England in the fall”

but now it’s high summer
and all those not-yet-red leaves
are barely rustling under the moonless sky
shading God and his devil and ancient blood in the soil

where the colonists beheaded algonquin children
brown people still keep to themselves in fear
and when a boy grows up looking like he wants to break away
or maybe wants to deny how good and right the kingdom is

when he gets to a certain age they start to whisper
he’s gonna end up bad
he’s not gonna make it
often he falls from the prophecies

sometimes he gets older
and can’t escape the feeling that he’s lived too long
goes looking for the sword in the trees
offers himself to lions long after he should have settled down

calling out I’m your boy, simba
your snowfaced speeding bullet
stumbling into your face full of misery
give me your sharp tooth and set me free

not too far from where I’ve stalled
is redemption rock
the natives once gave a hostage back there
and got themselves killed for their trouble

who am I tonight?
hostage or hostage taker?
colonist or colonized?
prophecy or prophet?

I bleed at the very thought of me
I bet Lovecraft is thinking
of changing his name from beyond the grave
because I love him

I’m on the side of the road
the car’s idling rough
I kneel in the gravel on the pavement’s fringe
listen as hard as I can for the lion’s roar

bury a needle deep in these woods
and the local ghosts will use it to sew your shroud
you’ll join them in being
just another sword to wave at unbelievers

now I don’t wanna wreck this car
but if there was any light out here tonight
maybe I’d take the snakepath of least resistance
and plant it on a tree

but turning my head back toward where I started
reminds me that every vehicle has a steering wheel
the way out might be in no place you ever imagined
and what the hell — I’ve got a fast car

so I get back in and turn around
thought I saw a sign somewhere back there
for a highway going somewhere not here
somewhere not in massachusetts

I’m gonna bury that needle once again
send horror ravening back into its den
let the rpm scream and turn the high beams on
drive as fast as I can toward bright lights big city anywhere but here

I’ll be up for a while yet and
there’s always two directions
to any road so let’s pick one and ride
let’s see what this baby can do


Crime Scene With Mayo

I’m hungry
and the cat
wants something
both of us can enjoy.
I’m about ready.
Let’s share across the species,
shall we? I’ll open a can of tuna
and she can lick the sides 
when I’m done.
Never mind dolphins, 
sea turtles, anything else caught 
among the tuna haul: the cat and I
are dining together tonight
as only we unnaturally can
in a house miles and miles 
from the sea,
her waiting impatiently 
for my casual appetite
to lead her into 
anti-ecological temptation
and I can’t help feeling guilty
for turning her into 
an unwitting accomplice
to the murder of the world.


Questioning Oz

We focus on the Man behind the Curtain 
no matter how often we say 
we should not pay attention to him.  

 

Let’s talk instead 
about the Machine he’s running
when the curtain is pulled back.

 

That’s a hell of a piece of technology back there.
Smoke and projection. End result, a terrifying Head
offering favor and demanding sacrifice.

 

Let’s talk about that Curtain too —
the most important piece of fabric
in all of Oz. It looks pretty plain —

 

the same color as almost everything else
in that city.  Made to be
nondescript.  To blend in.

 

Can you recall anything about it 
other than the request
to ignore it? 

 

Who’s the real wizard here — 
the bumbling Man
or the Head howling imperiously? Or

 

are the people
who hung the Curtain
more powerful than either of them?

 

If you buy the Man’s story
all of Emerald City knew he was behind it
all along. Do you buy

 

the Man’s story?  Did he build
or inherit or improve upon
the Machine? Who’s in charge here?

 

What do you think we should call the Machine?

Should we call it magic, or Magick?
Should we call it “green supremacy?”

 

What do we call the Curtain? Should we call it
“greenness?” Should we note that it is the color

of the default setting? What does it say

 

that the people of Emerald City
did not seem sad to see the Wizard go
as long as someone, anyone, 

 

was left in charge to maintain the status quo?

It likely took those three less than a week 

after Dorothy left

 

to step behind the Curtain
and fire the Machine up again — and this time,
no black dog appeared to pull back that veil.


Middles

I sit up late thinking
about beginnings and endings,
howI honor them
and snatch them

and spin about
seeking them.

Decide to focus
from here to the next here
on middles, middle ways,
in media res.

I’m halfway down
a glass of water.

Is it half empty?
Am I at the point
of refilling
and starting over?

Is it half full 
as in I can’t quite see
the end coming?

I will drink from it
no matter its level.
Cold and quenching,
or lukewarm and adequate;

whatever it is
in this central moment
is enough.


Call Center Incident

Originally posted 11/27/2009.

The first words
out of her mouth are,
“why are you working on Thanksgiving?”

I hold my tongue
instead of saying,
“why are you shopping on Thanksgiving?”

Later in the call (which is far longer
than our four minute standard
and I’ll probably get written up for it)

she tells me her son’s
moved out of state
to be with his girlfriend,

who has a huge chest. For Christmas
she’s buying her
our Fairy Fantasy Sweatshirt;

do I think the XL
or the 1X 
would be a better fit? 

I say I would go
with the 1X
based on her description.

She says she also has a huge chest
and both her sons were always
“tit clutchers”

and she’s had long talks
with the girlfriend
about that.

OK, I say,
and by the way,
we’re running a special today,

as a thank you you can have
another one or two items
at 15% off.

She declines at first
but then
goes silent.

I can hear the pages flipping,
she’s looking
for something else to buy — 

a perfect gift for someone.
She mentions that her other son
doesn’t talk to her at all.

I take another bite
of the cold apple pie
the company’s so thoughtfully provided

and I’ll be damned
if I hurry her
along.


Tales Of A Tarot Deck

Originally posted as “Stories From The Deck,” 12/29/2011.

1.
I read the cards myself
but not often these days,
and no longer for anyone else.  

I have to be “in the mood,” and
I’m only in that mood
when I am utterly alone.

2.
You ask, are they parlor trick
or font of wisdom?
Fool, who says one thing can’t be both?

If you hold them one way
they shine, another way
they blind.

The map is not the territory
but now and then the map is where
you have to make camp.

3.
I was taught to read the cards
by a woman who could not read the cards.
It took me one spread to learn this:

staring into the pattern I felt
a mansion rising on the table before me,
my best possibility dwelling within it,

even as my mentor droned on about
paths not taken, choices to be made,
a trip over water I should not take.

4.
It wasn’t long before I was sitting in bars
cold reading for strangers
in exchange for drinks;

sitting in living rooms
cold reading for strangers
in exchange for cash;

sitting in a strange kitchens
hot reading for a stranger,
hoping for sex;

sitting in bedrooms
reading for myself,
imagining myself as a stranger.

5.
If you think, they fail you.
Just go with the story
that comes to you

and follow it
no matter where
it goes. That’s why I’m here.

6.
Nowadays when I play with cards
it’s more often penny-ante poker
in a basement.

I surely miss
the Hermit, the Star,
and the Sun.

When the Jack Of Hearts
shows up in my hand,
I remember how good he used to look.

He used to call himself 
the Knight Of Cups. I remember how good 
it used to feel to see him in my hand.

7.
I’ve been over water a few times in my life.
Once upon a time in a Venice bookstore
I almost bought a new deck

just for old times’s sake, but the woman
muttered something 
and shook her head

when I pointed,
so I walked out before
anything odd could happen,

but I’ve lived
happily ever after anyway,
I guess.

8.
They tell you
your first deck
should be a gift.

Mine was.  I still have it.
All the others were my own choices,
and they’re all gone.

9.
I should end, I suppose, with predictions. So:
two countries will go to war
and one will win.

Two lovers will meet, part, spend their days
recasting what happened
until in retrospect they can say

the signs were clear. An old man
will die, and so will a young one,
and a child and a dog and a tree.

Someone’s going to act a Fool
while being utterly certain and alone
on a path they devote themselves to walking,

and a deck of ratty cards
will be picked up
and rewrapped in silk 

while congratulations
and mystic chatter
echo all around. 

 


Kid Fishing Versus The World

Kid fishing was the one thing
I had, back when I had
so little.

My awkwardness
with the girls I liked drove me
to the pond in the woods
to be alone. I’d stuff my pain
down in my rucksack with the pad
I was starting to carry everywhere
even then. I’d thread a worm onto
a snelled hook and cast out beyond
the drainpipe into the cove
and almost always bring up
a scrappy perch to be tossed back
like a bad pickup line, over and over,
all afternoon, every afternoon,
all summer long.  
I wasn’t happy
but I was less sad.

Adult fishing? Now
that’s different, softer,
less serious. I don’t go often
and when I do I mostly drink, 
cast a line now and then
for the sake of the art, never
catch a thing, and
write down stories about
what got away,
even though I’ve no idea 
of what lives here.

Still awkward?
Not so much. 
The most awkward
I feel when I fish these days 

is when
I dip into 
the so-cold-it’s-hot stream

to pull up beer and brandy
from where I stash it
in the deeper pool behind
Lion’s Head Rock, just out of
the main current, and I drop 
the bottles, sometimes
even breaking one — that’s

a bad day adult fishing,
which is still better
than a good day
doing almost anything else I can name

with the exception of kid fishing,
which I can never do again,
which (when I was a kid)
I never thought of as happy,
though it is all I can ever think of
when I’m asked for a happy memory.


Talking To My Children About The Night

Originally published in 2002 in my chapbook, “In Here Is Out There.”
Original title, “Talking To My Son About The Night.”

I have been thinking:
what do I tell my children
about the night?

Something wicked these days
stirs in the night,
and I cannot lie to them
and say shh, be still,
all is well and safe.

I will tell them the night
contains both darkness
and light.

What shall I say to them
of darkness?

Darkness is a young man
holding a knife to a lamp.
He adores how it separates 
skin from flesh,
sinew from bone.
He knows that when it is sharp enough
he can see the body’s coherence
fleeing before its edge.

Darkness is a woman
leaning out of her window on her elbows.
She sees something she does not favor.
She slips out the back door
to carry her gossip to the slaughterhouse.
Someone there will take the news
to the mechanics who will adjust the wheels
of the juggernaut for maximum kill.
On her way home
she will wipe her face with a stolen liver.
Behind her
she will leave a trail
of rumors and cartilage.

Darkness is a gaggle of children
trapped in a dream
where they are made to suckle straws
filled with their own blood.
They purse their pale lips,
draw the red up, columns red rising,
red cresting in their mouths,
falling red into their stomachs,
such sharp nourishment,
such a simple lesson:
living through the night
requires such a meal, 
a simple meal for a simple terror.
They have learned
to devour themselves.

We stink of rich meats, phobias, fires,
restless pride, secrecy. 
We inhabit our stereotypes,
slowed to the speed of custom,
houses crawling with indignation,
ferocity unbridled by logic,
atomic proverbs to live by —
a man decides to force himself
on the next random passer-by,
a boy slits an ancestor’s throat;
we shake our heads, we cry out
for the light, we get the darkness,
violent, clean cut, simple, fast:

darkness is thinking
that we can live forever
by living this way.

And after that?
After that, what can I possibly say

of the light?

I will say to them:
children, it is slander
to speak of the night
and only note the darkness.

I will say to them:
children, my children,
look at the stars.

I will say to them:
children, my children,
whenever you despair
of this world,
lie back 
and look at the stars.

I will say yes,
there is horror afoot in the night,
but always, always,
we have the stars.
I will say that one star
may singly pierce the darkness
but that one star
cannot cut through
the darkness alone.

I will say that there is
a forever beyond the darkness.

Then I will say,

children, my children,
if ever you despair,
look up at those hints

of the hoped-for forever
behind the darkness
waiting to be torn,

and tell yourself:

I am a star, 
and I do not
shine alone.