Tag Archives: meditations

The Snake Looks Back

It has been long since I was last venomous
Since I snapped off my weapons striking at mortar 
Biting at walls to get myself free
I spilled my poison and let it burn the ground below

Long time since I was animal enough
To hold myself justifiably savage and turn myself loose
Upon the right target to do what was needed
Even as the earth bubbled and blistered underfoot

I fail toward an end I would prefer to avoid
Someone must fail if others are to win 
It’s black letter law written with a poison pen
Made from a fang that fell to the ground

From out of my shattered mouth
When I broke my own power
Trying to be what I never had been
I’ve come back to my own as I come to my end


Volunteers

Stray corn plants 
in the flower bed
from birds
who shit feeder kernels 
mid-flight;

random tomato
in an empty bed,
likely from last year’s
crop, variety likely
to remain unknown
until near harvest;

what’s this
sunflower doing here,

what even is that
growing there?

Where to begin — 
what to do with the volunteers
once you understand 
their origin; to see
how they grow,
let them stay or to
replant or cut them
mercilessly down
because they do not fit
your designs and desires.

What is this sunflower
doing here
by the front walk?

 

 


An Actor Prepares

Originally posted 12/16/2009.

No one photographs him
more than once
after they realize

that the only pictures
that show him happy
show him onstage.

All other images
make him look like
a pillar of salt.

What’s his motivation?
He gave up everything
to gain a spotlight.

That smile you see up there
is genuine, if fleeting.
Stick with that.

Next time, use no flash.
Catch him standing there
in his natural setting:

darkness all around
as he pretends like mad
that he is the sun.


Percolator

I bought
a stove top percolator
to replace my broken French press 
which replaced my messy single cup maker
which replaced
my unrepairable
12 cup programmable drip machine

People on the street
stared after me as I walked to work
as if they knew me
for an eccentric
and how I had filled the stainless steel pot
with fresh cold water
and measured the tablespoons
into the basket
as it sat upon the hollow stem
and put the basket lid on and then
replaced the top of the maker
with its glass dome 
and set it on the gas flame

How I’d waited for the first sound
of the perk and watched 
the good brown bubble up

How it smelled in the sagging kitchen air
How it tasted with my eyes closed
How I’d tried to figure out
how long since
I’d last made coffee 
in a percolator — forty years?
forty five?

Is that long enough
for this coffee to be retro? 
Am I hipster now,
Luddite so far behind
I’m now ahead?

I don’t care
I must have needed to do this
for I remembered something
about myself when 
while measuring in the coffee
I covered the hole in the stem
with my other thumb
to prevent grounds from falling in
and getting into the water
and getting into the cup

It’s the care
my father taught me
to take
when you make coffee 
in a percolator


Your Father’s Watch

A tree falls in the forest; you hear it. 
The world doesn’t stop — pauses but moves on. 
You stop and tap the face of your father’s watch.

That was a man who knew how to fell a tree.
Where to cut, when to push, how to step aside.
A tree falls in a grove close by. You hear it strike. 

The watch has stopped. Your father is gone.
You are falling yourself, failing where he cut you.
You can’t help it. You tap the face of his broken watch.

Time moves; the watch does not.
You’ve been broken forever and have finally snapped.
A tree falls in the yard. You hear it. You are it.

The day moves forward and you do not.
The house where you grew up has lost power.
You’ve fallen in the clearing and hear nothing now
but the ghostly ticking of your father’s watch. 


Spirit Humans

We imagine ourselves
as wolves and owls, hawks
and lions, sharks and
deep-eyed jaguars;
they do not imagine
ever becoming one of us.

No animal
has ever had
a spirit human.
They are comfortable
as themselves.

Never see themselves
in pale hikers, secret lovers
naked and earthbound,
villagers in their encampments;
do not envy the accounting manager
fly fishing in a mountain stream,
dressed to the outdoor nines, failing
at every other cast.

We are selective as well
in hard to fathom ways:
we never say
I am the worm that endures in darkness,
I am the hard shelled crab that opens
to vulnerability often, yet survives,
I am the trout that escapes death
but hovers nearby after fleeing.

So hard to admit
we are not comfortable
beings, that we 
can rarely recognize
what we need
even when
it’s before us. 


Backstage Pass

I live my life amused
by those in love with
being in possession of
the backstage pass:

those smug with having
all access, familiarity,
easiness; those imagining 
it matters beyond the moment

the door opens
and everyone else
gets a glimpse and maybe
envies them for that time.

I live my life sorry
I cannot hand such passes
to everyone who longs for one:
my own world doesn’t 

qualify as worthy 
of such exclusive access.
If I could let you all in
to the places you want to be

I would. Some
privileges are worth using
and that I don’t have them
doesn’t make me think them

utterly unimportant. 
If I could break down those doors
I would and I would not take your 
place within, friend; I’d turn away

not in scorn but in humility,
happy to have served
and off to seek
another place to do the same. 


Spear Song

Tip of the spear:
redder than they are.

A spear doesn’t care
what it pokes or pierces

as long as its wielder
is happy to see red.

The spear in the hand 
of a true-blue hero

is just as happy
to poke its old handler

as it was when that villain
was grinning and sticking

whoever is
holding it now.

Someone is going to die
by spear and sword.

Stop hating the spear
and instead grab ahold

and take it
and use it and 

see how it shines. See how
you shine. You can beat it

into some other form
when you win

and if you lose,
you won’t need to. 


Hagiography

Call up the old saints.
You’ll find them retired and disinclined to help.

Call instead for The Blessed Version,
The Sherman On The Mount, The Irascible Conception;

read from a new Bible written by scribes
drunk on the manic milk of modern circumstance: speak of

St. Teflon, patron saint of bullet dodgers.
St. Tango, source of comfort against divergent storms;

St. Bullwhip, defender of the wealthy.
St. Lifter, overseer of the doomed.

St. Angelcake, who strokes the heads of the raped.
St. Watchfob, who picks fruit and cleans poisons from the flesh.

St. Linger, warrior with no hard weapons.
St. Rollie Of The Bones, bringer of square deals and luck.

St. Rattler of the found quarter.
St. Lobster of the century reboot.

St. Jack of the feast
upon unicorn meat.

Open that long shot gospel,
hang on a little while

till they make a saint just for you,
maybe even in time to save you.


Torn

A lifetime of living among those
who claim ownership of stolen goods
as a matter of birthright
has left me confused.

What part of me ought to sympathize
with those so terrified of losing
that which is not theirs
that they would kill to protect such falsehood?

Should I feel sorry for them
in their delusions and offer sympathy,
or retch with disgust and run
in an attempt to keep their madness at bay?

Half of me tugs one way.
Half of me, the other. 
Torn to pieces and scattered;
all the pieces remain my own. 


Figure On A Cliff

A figure can be seen
standing on the point of a cliff
with its arms outstretched to either side.

If it is planning to jump
it would do well to do so soon
as already would-be rescuers 
are scrambling up the paths
to stop it.

The figure may instead be preparing
to fly, but no one can be sure
until they are close enough to see
what flex is in play,
how the knees
are set for movement,
whether or not
there are feathers or webs along the arms
to facilitate flight. 

The figure may of course
be planning to do
none of the above, is just
standing there.

But that’s not good enough for us.

Down here we exist
immersed in a churning need
to assign meaning 
to unfamiliar sights.

To treat them
as omens, to create a need
to interact 
with sights and sounds we misunderstand
in such ways
that we can tell ourselves,
with great conviction,

that we are critical
to maintaining reality. 


Rediscovering Glory

They unfolded
their copper wings.

Blue gems
threaded throughout.

Daylight against 
dark-polished amber.

Until now you did not remember 
that you’d seen them before
your birth, had stopped believing
they had ever existed.

Did you ever imagine
they would still be like this,
that they would again appear to you —
lowly you, humble you — 
in such sunset-wreathed glory?

Now they are here
for the moment and if no one
believes you tomorrow
you will again doubt yourself;
as many times 
as it has happened,
rediscovery will be
a new blessing each time. 


Too Far Out

Too far out from the dock now
to think there’s safety
to be gained by turning back.

Forward, drop anchor, or founder:
those seem to be the only choices.
Go on toward the horizon or stop

and wait for rescue, or stop
and sink right here and see
who notices, if anyone does. 

Or — we could turn back. 
It’s no safer but it’s movement
and we’d know what’s waiting for us

where we’d be headed. Can still just see
the grey line of coastal hills
back there, where there’s everything

we’ve left behind. No real comfort there, 
if you are asking; you shouldn’t need
to ask. We could remake it, you plead.

Sure, we could. But there’s all this ocean
to ponder. And what’s that ahead of us
rising out of the water? We should wait and see

lest we choose too rashly. Everything
we’ve chosen to this point has been
reckless. Prudence now, even if it drowns us,

would suggest a pause. At any rate
I’m not sure we can turn back. The wind
is shifting. There may be a storm coming. 

We have come so far. We have nothing
back there that won’t keep or be passed on
to better folks if we do not return. 

Whatever is rising ahead of us
is breaking the surface. We should at least
see what it is before making a choice. 


It’s Just Overkill

The chorus of 
a song from the Eighties
in my kitchen,

Angel’s car in my driveway
responds with bass, bass, bass,
words, thump, words, thump…then

some other car screws by
on two wheels coming down Fifth
from Mt. Vernon and takes out

Benny’s blue Taurus.
Following that,
but not soon enough

to do anything about anything,
here come the cops.
Sorry — the nice policemen. 

I recognize one. I recognize three.
They come through often enough
but never seem to know anyone’s name.

“This is what you get
from living among these people,”
says the cop on my doorstep,

condescending to me about the neighbors
who called him about the wreck
and who across the street are talking about

what the nice policemen will do next.
They are newer here than I. Benny,
I’ve been here a while. Gotta say

I already know the likely answer,
fear the possibilities beyond that. 
I go inside and turn up the music.


The Boulder

Over there 
a gray haired man
is pushing on a boulder
to get it
off the bluff
and to see it crash
into the surf below
leaving behind
only some dramatic footage
in the minds of spectators. 

After it’s gone
he will look down after it, 
say something profound
no one will hear,
then walk away after wiping
the soil from his knees. 

We don’t see this everyday,
mostly because 
we aren’t looking for it.
There is instead a myth about 
a nobleman pushing a boulder 
up an incline over and over
that holds us in its grip — 

but ordinary people
finding meaning
in working to make happen
what should happen
and not caring for public notice
for doing it?