Tag Archives: identity

Scenes From Geppetto Town

A day starts,
almost always,
with sirens before dawn.

Citizens can tell what’s what:

the ambulance variation
means
someone’s sick, wounded, or dead;

the fire truck clang blare rumble
means
trouble bigger than personal trauma;

the police oscillation
means
any or all of the above,
means someone’s getting a little visit
from the Blue.

I know enough of crown tags and colored beads
to know the Latin Kings
hold some neighborhoods
close.   Elsewhere there are crews
who run their own blocks;
I don’t know who they claim to honor,

mostly it seems like
there are a lot of guns out there
going off
with no direction.

“Worcester” is the formal name.
“Wormtown” is what ex-punks of a certain age call it.
I’ve heard it called “Wartown” once or twice,
but it’s never caught on.

Whenever I light
another far-too-expensive cigarette
I want to call it
“Geppetto Town,”
full of cold wooden boys
wishing they were real men.

There’s a stone circle downtown
that commemorates World War I.
It’s got this highbacked granite bench
running around the circumference.
If you sit on one end and whisper,

a person sitting on the other end of it
can hear you as if you weren’t
fifty feet away. 
Like the rest of the city,
I don’t know
exactly how it works
but it does, and very few people
even know about it.

The city’s voice: dissonance
and fairy dust
hissing down, filling potholes.
Crinkled fenders
rattling with imaginary grandeur,
and the stretching sound a nose makes
when it’s growing out of all proportion
as it speaks with equal passion
of its faults
and its glories.

Oh, more about the Blue:

shaves and crew cuts
who ask “are they white or black?”
about the people they’ll be seeing
before coming out
to the frantic domestic violence call.

We have lovely
turn of the century lamps
on our street.
Half work and half don’t
on any given night. 
We don’t complain:
at least there’s some light
to run by.

Geppetto
shares the belly of the Great Fish
with Jonah and my cousin Tony,
all of them writing feverishly
in the dark.  Outside
there’s a monster storm.  No one
mentions it, they’re pining so hard
for home
that the thought that this might be
as good as it ever gets,
or that the journey to a better place might be
horrible,
doesn’t come up.

Over in the far corner
by the duodenum,
another false boy’s doing
unspeakable things to a turtle
who looks either thrilled or terrified
but because he’s not real,
we can’t ask him.  Everyone is upset
that he’s so brazen.  No one
looks away.

Wormtown,
Wartown,
Worcester.  Say them soft,
it’s almost like praying:

dearest Fairy Godmother,
we
really,
really,
really

want to be real.

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Bartleby

you’ve gotten yourself
into this bar argument
with some friends
about the greatest works
of american literature
and when you mention “bartleby
the scrivener,” everyone looks at you
like you’ve lost your mind
and you’re just standing there
with nothing to say
and no one’s even heard of it
so you try to explain and someone says
“that’s fucked up” and you say
“yeah that’s kind of the point”
and everyone ignores you harder
as they discuss hunter thompson
and jack kerouac
and they try to get you back in on the discussion
but you say, “i would prefer not to”
so after a while people drift off
and you’re standing there
not even touching your beer
and at last call
the bartender tells you to go home
so you do.  and at work the next day no one
remembers what you all talked about
last night and you decide
to let it drop but the days go by
and you find yourself doing less and less
socializing with them so you stay home
and stand in a corner
with your arms at your side
and not eating or watching TV
or even listening to the radio and when they come
to carry you out a few weeks later
someone at work the next day says of you
‘that’s fucked up”
and they’re still right.

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Spirit Animal

There’s not nearly enough
Wolf in me.  Not enough
ferocity, not enough
pack loyalty, not enough
startle response and care
for the world’s savagery
and bounty.

And as for Coyote, the smaller cousin,
the Trickster dog of dream and myth —
no, I’ve searched, and no bone of mine
holds that holy canine within.

In the search, I found
the spirit animal I leak from my pores
when fear slides into the bedroom
and reposes at my feet:

a snail or slug, unsure of which but a cold slimer,
an afterthought drip from the God
who gave up on me for mammal’s ways
and instead said: this one will know
how progress is inexorable but excruciating,
how its trail can be followed
back, slowly, to its source;  will understand
the nature of small and unnoticed lives
and the damage  that can be done in the dark,
as ravaging as any drama and howling attack.

There are thanks to be offered, I’m sure,
but the longing for more overwhelms me now,
and I have no mouth or throat
to scream for a change. 

All I can do
is crawl and hope no weight from above
hovers nearby.

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Operation Hermit Crab

You can’t trust
that you truly know anything
when you only know what others tell you
and your senses just bring you particles
to be rearranged and interpreted
based on what others have told you.

So you strip it all away
and go sit on a beach
in a different stolen shell,
but with no pretense this time.
Everyone knows the story
of how you’ll just discard this one
once you’ve outgrown it
and you’ll find another one
and you’ll keep repeating the cycle
until you’re consumed
or stepped on
or broken.  There’s no such thing
as a death by anything other
than natural causes in this life.

If you’re lucky
you’ll get picked up
and tossed in a case
and provided with painted shells
while people chuckle at the googly eyes
and the stripes you’ve been provided.
It may look sad from out there
beyond the glass,

but you, you sneaky little machine
of outward deceit and self-awareness,
you’re delighted to be amusing them
without having to pretend
that’s what you really are at heart.

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Candid

When I saw
the photo of myself
I squirmed
for only a moment
then looked straight at it.

I saw a gray man
with a crooked smile,
my father’s face looking back at me,
sporting a half-mouth grin
I’d only ever seen in one photograph
from Korea, green before first combat
in his uniform,
his whole platoon around him,
his hair short, his eyes bright,
nine years before my birth.

In the picture he’s smirking
as if he knew even then
that his son would someday come
to a similar moment of recognition
and amused resignation,
a moment of humor
before a terrifying future,
that my face
would inevitably become his
in spite of all my years of being certain
that if I just kept my head down
and did everything he never did,
I could keep such a thing
from ever happening.

I wonder if he knew
that it would take this long.

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Colony

I am a colony.

Thousands of millions of citizens.
Paths through the crowds.
Silent, hard dwellings,
softer plazas where they mingle.

All you see when you look at me
is the flag they have raised.

Last night,
insurrection.
Tossed and tossed all night.

Later,  the voices
of huddled mourners by blood pools,
whispering, weeping.

Then the sun rose
and the city started scraping
itself together. 

I hear a beggar
suddenly knocking
at some door
in here.

We have to do something,
goes the cry across the streets.
A crust of bread,
a song,
a lover:
something must be done, one
who is starving
starves us all.

I got out of bed
scratching my head:

what should I do today?

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Half-Breed/Half-Awake

A lovely
and gently dotty man
with long hair and longer memory
is trying to break into my house
to steal my money
or to maybe to burn sweetgrass at my feet
while I am sleeping.

I’ve got
a Louisville Slugger
behind the door,
a Bowie knife
in the nightstand drawer.

I hear him trying the locks
and murmuring to himself.
It’s not a language I understand
but I recognize it, something I hear
every time
I go around pontificating
on my nature
versus my nurture.

One move,
and I can pull that knife.
Two steps,
and I can have
that bat in my hand.
Two more and I can be
waiting behind the cabinet
where he won’t see me
as he enters,

but I’m still lying here
with choices hovering above me.

I can easily snatch the right one
out of the dawn
at any time.

There’s still time to choose.

I’ll give it another few seconds
and then I’ll decide…

oh, hell:

Grandfather or Stranger,
please come in, I’ve got coffee
and tobacco.  I don’t need to be
a warrior of any kind
right now.  The morning smells
too good to care this much
about which one you are.

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