Category Archives: poetry

Where Is The Door?

I am 63 years old
and neither can I mash potatoes
nor can I drive, if all I am told
is true. It doesn’t

look true — I cannot do
both at once but give me time
to separate the tasks from one another
and I am sure I can do

most of what what
I am asked to do.  I am 63 years old
and cannot dress myself nor can I
hold myself close and love me

as I should be loved, or as I’ve
been told I should; who knows now
what that even means? I’m 63 years old
and the list — check-boxes on soul-paper,

boxes printed in fire, the audit trail
with which I judge myself — is incomplete.
It seems, even, to be erasing itself.
What I thought I knew of living is vanishing. 

I’m 63 years old and I’ve not done nearly enough
about famine and genocides, nothing about
correcting history, not enough about the poor,
neither the belly nor the beast are more in check

because I was alive. I’m 63 years old
and it is 63 years old — weakened
in mind and matter. I cannot drive,
can’t mash potatoes, can’t hear,

have all but stopped feeling
anything other than fear and regret
and if I ever knew peace of mind,
I have forgotten what it was like. 

I have to go, and 63 years after I got here
I find I’ve forgotten how to get to the exit.
63 plodding years of the urge for going,
and where exactly is that damned door?


Baked

Sometimes
the dough is perfect.

Other times
it is baked broken

without anyone
being able to tell.

And at times it is obvious 
before the oven reaches full heat

that nothing can save 
this one.  

In the first instance,
the bread is perfection.

In the third 
the bread is aborted before baking. 

As for the second?
Think about all of 

the people you’ve met
and you will understand

why sometimes
after a conversation

you find a taste 
of their mold in your mouth.

What do you
bring to the table?  


At A Solstice Party

At a solstice party
we were all asked
if we wanted
to purge ourselves
of last year, manifest
intentions for this year,
or both; invited us
to write these
on slips of paper, fold them,
and cast them into
the fire pit’s flames.

At a solstice party
I thought long and hard
and I wrote something on
a slip of paper, folded it,
thought long and hard after I did;
then I did as I was told
and cast it into the flames.

I will not tell you
which I wrote.
I barely told myself
and I really can’t remember
and it isn’t that important,
at any rate.  

What is important — 
something about such rituals;

something about
erasure and creation
hand in hand
jumping over coals, about
prayers tunneling into smoke
and coming out into clean air.

At a solstice party — 
freezing, burning,
then freezing again;
how we move in the world,
how it moves in us.


About This Poem: A Review

It feels 
like it got dressed
in the dark. All the parts
are covered
as custom dictates
and there’s nothing indecent
about it.

It looks like
the poet
knew what
was supposed to go
where, yet somehow
didn’t or couldn’t read
the wiring schematic
that explained grounding
or safety precautions.

This wreck of rags
inspires derision
from afar
and the experts
are telling people,
stay away.

The poem is glowing,
growling, and sparking;
it’s a great risk to the one
who reads or wears it, it’s true;

still, it surely gives off
enough light for them to see
what lurks in
a dark room.


Playing Your Song

Wouldn’t it be nice
to wake up someday
and hear yourself
embedded in a love song
by someone else?

Picture yourself
on your morning commute. It comes up
on the car radio, the plain old radio:
not an oldies station, not a stream
or a CD or God forbid a cassette
or 8-track.

Let it be upon
broadcast — let it be announced
as the smoking new single
at the top of the hour — let it be
so clearly about you sweat through
your clothes.  Let it
handle you roughly 
all the way up the highway.

You walk into the job shining.
Nobody will understand why you
are practically untouchable that day —
you will be too busy trying to listen
to memory and hoping you’ll hear it
on the way home.

Even if
you never do hear it again,
you can from that moment on
choose to believe
that somewhere someone
is playing your song.

That they hum a few bars now and then.
That they remember all the words.

That they wonder if anyone else
knows the words, wonder
if you’ve heard it,
wonder if you know. 


This Is How

Food, music,
the taste of fresh water
on a long-parched tongue;
these are what I desire
for this is what I deserve.

I deserve to be quenched
as if I am thirst, fed
as if I were born to be hunger
and sung as if I were anthem
and hymn at once.

Ridiculous, you say, 
that I’d long to give up
humanity for such simple
satisfactions as these. But
hear what I’m telling you;

this is how revolutions begin.


Western Civilization

It’s a mistake.
A big mistake

that’s been moving on foot
through the world

leaving huge footsteps 
behind it.  Big mistake — 

shouldn’t have let it out.
That thing’s clawing 

a damn near impervious trail
so wide you can scarcely

avoid it.  So deep
it’s turned the whole world

into a rutted path
from which you can’t climb,

and listen up: you can’t deny
that you hear a deluge

readying itself to fall. 
It’s a big mistake.

A profound drowning is
likely to follow.


In The Hills Above The Village In A Dream

Woke up — perhaps I dreamed this?
I found myself outside at daybreak
in a village I did not know.

I asked a woman I met
carrying her daily water back
from a fountain,

tell me: who is shooting at us
from the hills above this village?
I know I heard the guns.

Before the shooting gets much closer;
before you have to drop your water;
before they spill your blood

let me take you by the hand.
You could flee this angry land
and go to where there are no guns.

Do you know this place, she asked?
Can you name it, offer a map?
I will go there myself when I am able.

Just tell me
where it is — 
and then I woke up

having said nothing
of such a place
to her.

Perhaps I dreamed the name too?
Perhaps I never knew. Perhaps
there is no place like that. 

It seems that I’ve had
this dream before,
and more than once.

It may be
that I have forever offered
such false hope.


Homecoming

You are late. You are not.
Call this hour what you want.
Either way, you must be on time.

This is how it has always felt
when you know you have come home.
It’s been too long, or not nearly long enough.

It was just long enough for you
to miss the taste of this tap water.
To have forgotten how old the pipes are

in this city, in this place.
You were thirsty enough to hope
rust and scale could quench your thirst.

One gulp from the same old tumbler
you’ve always used, taken down
from the faded cabinet where it rests

between visits, is enough
for you, this time. Rinse 
the glass, turn your back,

turn the knob, and go back
to the road. To wherever
is next.

Perhaps this is the last time
you will ever come home. Perhaps not.
You don’t get to know

now. You can only know that
by going. By going out
to other places. By going

anywhere else.
You do understand
the thirst you feel at once

upon leaving but
you do have to go to feel it
and you know

you are one of those
who were born
to feel it, so off you must go.


What You Call It

Original title “Collateral Damage.”  Written during the war in Nicaragua, so…1980s, sometime. 

This poem was published in 2003, in 100 Poets Against the War (from Salt Publishing, UK).

Does it do any good to write poetry?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What d’you call it
that thing
that thing that came in the night
that hung above our village
and a war fell onto us from its mouth
what d’you call it

what d’you call it
that thing
I couldn’t see it too well in the dark
I think it had grey skin
know it had red eyes
it wasn’t a dragon
it was too hungry to be a dragon
it was too angry

Whatever it was
a thing like that
ought not to be free
ought not to be let loose to do that
ought to be locked up
ought to be somewhere else

What d’you call it
that thing
that roasts your children
that cinders your wife
takes your father in flame
melts your tongue to the roof of your mouth
burns the consonants out of you
until all you can do is scream open throated, only vowels,
nothing to give shape or form to the sound
no words
and what words could you have had before this
to describe — this

what d’you call it?

yes I suppose
you could call it
a helicopter
a vertical takeoff and landing armored air support vehicle
an Apache
a Cobra
and I suppose its anger and hunger could be
a mistake
an unfortunate incident
nothing to deter us from our mission

but
HELLFUCKER – SHITCLOUD – DARKRAPER- CHILDBURNER – SKYEATER
STORMSWAN – DEVILROAR – DEATHBIRD – WIDOWERMAKER
FLAME GOD HAMMER –
all work just as well

just do not call this
“collateral damage”

there are no clean words for some things


About People

Freddy was a cockroach in the corner
I took him down with the toe of my boot
It was that kind of bar
I left him crinkly-dead on the floor
The evidence of blunt and violent cleansing
right there for all to see
Let that be a lesson to your kind, you bug
Was there the next day
Now it’s
the day after that and
he’s still there
Regulars grumbling at the news on TV
Talking about the war
“Again with this shit —
always something with these people”
Freddy doesn’t hear it of course
being too dead for politics

Up the street there are gunshots
or so it would seem from the sound
College kids slumming look anxious
like they wanna run
but who the fuck knows if it’s safe
Regulars look up from their keno cards
Pay it exactly one dead cockroach’s
moment of mind — “it’s always
something — happens all over
Always something with people”

That’s a Thursday enough for me
and my roachkiller boots
Big death on the TV screen —
I could get that anywhere
Big fear in the half-gentrified street —
I do get that everywhere so

I take myself home
to a joint and Snickers bar
Watch TV some more and try to convince myself 
we don’t all hate each other
even more than the modicum amount
of hatred we grew up on
We’re driving into a cold-water pond
drunk or stoned and as for Freddy
he just got eaten by one of his own
back in the corner of the bar
where the regulars grumble 
and the slummers shiver

It’s always something with people


Yes, You Too

Upon the televised walls
sprays of
war flavored blood.

On the window,
a mist of brain drawn forth
by someone’s convictions.

There’s no regard.
no one reaching
for gentleness.

It is too late for such things.
No matter what we say, no security 
is violent enough for us.

Beyond our screens
is a ravening planet. Anyone 
I see in there is part of it.

Let this be our last call,
oh friends, oh companions.
Let us admit we long

for a fire fueled
by what we see as clean hate.
Yes, you too.

Last call. Hurry up,
please — it’s time again.
It’s time.

Pour a glass then toss it
against the screen. Let it 
splash all over

the walls, the windows.
Aren’t you sick of yourself,
friends? Companions?

You can see howI am sick of myself.
I want all of me gone, all of everything —
right, left, wrong, right.

I long to have my last scene
be abrupt. To have the last days
end suddenly. To have Death snicker

and say, you liberal, you conservative,
you allegedly gentle person who allows
such a flood of killing by refusing to kill —

you are as much Death as I am
as I accuse and refuse and confuse
with diffidence sprayed with blood

and the screen goes red,
then black.
We are the worst.

Yes, you too.


Prediction

Imagine yourself
among white sparks
coming off a grinding wheel.

You fly off, then vanish.
Just a byproduct
of loss in the name

of honing an edge.
What do you think
will be left behind?

It can cut. It can
let blood. I suppose 
it has its own gleam of 

beauty and a sheen
of crafter’s skill. You 
will be gone by the time

it is finished
and you feel
you deserve 

neither honor nor blame
for what comes next — so,
based on how quickly

you escape consequences,
you are probably
American through and through.


Untouched

What you claimed to feel
was empathy.
What you truly felt
was irritation. 

How dare the news intrude
with bombs and othered misery
upon that safety you’ve
been building? 

You do feel a little ashamed
at this self-interest,
but you are pleased 
that you have stopped briefly

to consider others
you will never meet.
People you will never 
be. Lives you are certain

will not touch yours.
This is why your people
migrated here, after all:
to be untouched by others.


Still Life With Cat And Blanket

Morning work:
cat kneading on
its daily blanket,
now and then
anguished or delighted
but finally completed
work from me.

If no one ever
sees any of this I know
at least one cat
is happy.  The blanket 
might not know it
but it has played its part
as well as it always has.

As for me: what do I call
the feeling when some work 
of mine is complete
and it was misery,
it was ecstasy or outrage
or all three and more beside:
or more to the point
what do I call the feeling
of it possibly being
the Last or nearly
the Last One?

The cat is content,
and the blanket just is.
I’m driven to keep going
into their space and then
getting up and going
elsewhere into the day
without ever knowing if tomorrow
will be the same. 

Who will read this poem of blanket and cat,
anyway? Why should such compulsion
drive me? Am I the cat, 
simply assuming each day will be the same?
Or am I the blanket,
there when the routine is not my own?
Are all of us just the means
to a still-unknown end?