Laugh And Cry

I’m laughing now.
You didn’t know.
I told you many times,
you didn’t hear me —
or more likely you didn’t
listen. So I’m laughing now
as I never did before —
not heartily, not loudly
as if there was great comedy
inherent — you didn’t know
at all how the comedy
fell short, how these jokes and gags
didn’t measure up to the task
of what was asked. Instead
I’m crestfallen — a soft chortle
only, shaking of my head —
almost sad, broken a bit
south of the gag — a sob almost.
Almost confused between
a laugh and a cry. To feel this way
is almost sacred — as if you
don’t know what to feel anymore,
and the trap between the responses
is deep, and wide; as if you fall in
and only get out when you relent
and give up trying to decode
and decide.

~~~~~~~~~~~
onward,
T