I’m home.
None of my furniture consoles me.
I am alone in a house stuffed with it.
None of it allows me to weep.
I’m home.
I keep my lids shuttered against
the inadvertent blow against them
that may come from a longing glance
from my straying left eye. I’m home
and if I am not careful, I will
burst. I will fall apart knowing
all of this is meant to be
average, normal; it is not.
I’m home now in a typical place
wearing typical clothes — black
T-shirt, plaid pants. You,
gentleman caller, can knock
but I will not respond. You
will walk away puzzled. Meanwhile
I’ll be naked and crying;
you will not hear me. I’m home
and I’m nude and crying and
to bring it to full and satisfying boil
no one is as puzzled as I am
about this. Everyone’s been called.
Everyone’s been notified. You would think
I would have this all simple and controlled.
If anyone comes in, though, I’ll be
crying. Without clothes. Lying
in the middle of the floor. Exhausted
from trying — what? Tired of all of this —
what? I’m home. What difference will it make?
Dark Matter 
June 3rd, 2024 at 5:05 pm
Sorry. I haven’t been doing much email or keeping up. Not sure as usual whether this is about you or others. Not sure what brought you or them to this point. At 87 it’s often a battle to just get out of bed. Sooo tempting to sleep the rest of my life away. But if this is about you, even though I certainly don’t play much part in your life or dying, so much of your writing that I’ve read over the years, has resonated with my own life experiences. Sometimes it has actually made a difference in whether I am able to accept my dark times from knowing I’m not alone. And then start over facing and dealing with the pitiful small daily realities of aging and once again live in the present moment with all its trivial aspects of simple survival and even find moments of insight, tiny moments of joy, and the energy to care about others….at least a few anyway. So, in case this is about you, I at least want to thank you for sharing the harsh realities of existence in ways that connect us with our humanity and the pain of idealism eaten away by reality. I personally tell myself that humanity evolves so slowly that it’s imperceptible on the large scale and that I’m often oblivious to growth on the individual scale. because it’s so tiny. Anyway, thanks for being you and sharing so much with us out here.
June 3rd, 2024 at 7:39 am
Good Tony Thank you!
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