Monthly Archives: March 2015

Flying

It doesn’t matter
how illogically you fly
in your daydreams.
You’re not a bird.
Never were.
Fly however you want,
floating, soaring,
vertical, flat out
like a superhero.
You don’t need to
fly like a bird — 

fly like a jellyfish,
a stove, a wrinkled shirt
on a hurricane, 
like stone or 
immorality. 

It doesn’t matter
if you do or do not
fly, except to you,
as the universe
will be perfect
with you grounded
or airborne or swimming,
standing absolutely
mountain-still or
vanishing into wind
or the stray thought
of flight
in someone else’s mind — 

your lover’s mind,
a dying mind,
or one itself mystified into flight
by the view it sees
in the moment
it is born.  It’s not as if

your flying
is only meant
for you.


My Favorite American Indian Stories

Originally posted 7/24/2007.

There’s the one
about how 
once upon a time 

I saw a man at Acoma
replacing a pine post
and doing note-perfect
Monty Python routines
with a couple of his friends.

There’s the one that begins at a party 
where a friend of mine insisted
that once upon a time

Tonto
was in love with the Lone Ranger,
but every time he tried
to make a move
the big guy said something like
“hiyo, Silver,”
and eventually Tonto realized
he could do so much better
than a goody two shoes
into cosplay.

There’s the one about
a man who walks the high steel
for a paycheck
and doesn’t drink it away.

Did you hear the one about
the old guy who scared me
by looking like my father,
who tried to pay me four bucks
to drive him from Alamogordo 
to Mescalero
and who smiled and shook my hand
when I said I could not take
his money?

Let’s hear the one
about Robin Chatterbox
and how she became a doctor.
The one about the casino
that paid for a new school.
The one about how the TV show
pulled a shameful episode.
The one about the meth lab
prayed (and then chased) off the rez
by the old folks.

Note the overt absence of 
Coyote, Crow, and the Great Spirit.
Note that nowhere here does the moon
speak to the hunter

and that no one’s bones 
call out to the beloved 
left behind.

Some things are best kept 
in the family

but, for you,
in the spirit of
“multiculturalism,”
here’s one more:
once upon a time

someone left this fire for dead.

See the ashes starting to stir? 
Goddamn —

is that
some kind of bird?


Nostalgia Is The Opiate Of The Masses

Run home,
escape
from the slippery slopes of 
scarring work
and jostling street; come
into the shabby house

and stab the button on
the old kitchen boombox, bring up
the Chi-Lites, soothe
yourself on “Oh, Girl,”

get yourself in check
and bust open the last beer

to Busta Rhymes, power up with 
AC/DC, curse your exes
with George Strait…

if it gets you through the scant time
you’re not being offended and 
tortured, it has gotta be
enough.  

Close your eyes
for two minutes, it turns into
two hours — it’s not enough

but it’s gotta be enough.  

This is how
they want it, how they want you —

no matter if you are
joker, smoker, or toker; no worries
if you keep it at home —
come back to the office, humming
or not;

just make damn sure
you come back.


People Of The Stacks, The Racks, And The Checkout Aisles

They’re tilting,
tipping over because
one half of every one of them
is horror.
They’re lopsided
from carrying it.  

Immaculate beings
in split levels,
or lean and dirty ghosts
in a tent under cold stars; why wonder
if it’s nature or nurture driving them?  

What’s driving them
is nurture playing
in the snowfields
of nature’s mountains.
What’s driving them
is nature slipping a hand
into nurture’s back pocket
as they walk side by side.

Only one half of each is horror.
The other half is frozen joy. 

They look for thaw.
Limp toward clues to it. Call out:

Is there something to warm it with
on sale here?

What price the fire this time?

May there be credit
at terms easier
than what we know
we could be forced to sign.

May we straighten up.

May no one
laugh or shoot at us 
on our way
to straightened up.


A Good Night’s Sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep

means

going without
fretting about
or rationalizing
night sounds

for six hours
for once

means

six hours gladly
amnesiac about 
the words of
a devout Christian friend

who shook her head
and sadly agreed

that God’s plan
probably involves Him
apologizing
to you

means

ten good seconds
upon waking that 
try as you might
can’t be stretched into 
fifteen or
twenty

means

another day of taking 
what you get

means

another day
hoping for 

a good night’s sleep


Marrow Marrow

Originally posted 4/1/2014.

The soundtrack
of whatever it is
you daily do is
a splintering
that croaks

broken, broken.

Even when you
bite in error
something soft
of your own, your
tongue or lip,
you can only taste
the meaty iron in it.

Broken, broken.

You’ve chewed nothing
but hard old remains
for so long,
their spongy bone-hearts
are all that you know.

Broken, broken;
marrow candy,
marrow coffee;

marrow greens,
marrow marrow
in the corners
of your mouth:

in the corners
of your mouth
a song 
of vulture, 

carcass bird.


The Dog At The Punk Show Has Little To Fear

New poem.

In a crowd of people,
a single argyle-sweatered
chihuahua.  No one’s really
gushing over or even noting the little guy

and that seems to be
fine with him as he 
alternately darts and trots
in and out of the forest of legs

swaying or lightly stamping
in time to the furiously craggy
distorted solo guitar and soul wail
of the gentle man on stage 

at the underground club
on a late winter night.  If I were that
chihuahua I’d be scared of being 
stepped on but this one seems

unperturbed, certainly seems
more comfortable among
this young and sweetly serious throng
than I ever could, which is why

I may be the most immobile person here
since I am certainly the oldest person here
and don’t want to draw too much attention here
to the awkward way I’m trying to disappear

as easily as the dog
in the handcrafted sweater
who is trotting and darting
only barely observed

among these kids,
who surely
could have been
kids of mine 

if I’d ever dared
to think of that; hell, if I had,
I might even have had
a dog of my own.


Disguises

Originally posted 4/1/2011.

A single bird over the church
at the top of our hill.
His fingered wings
say he’s a buzzard, he of the tribe
of naked head and a taste for death.

Seen from here,
he soars.

I have an urge
to cover the daffodils
that are just emerging
from the snow-compacted mulch
beside my front walk.

It passes.
They’ll be fine.

Later, in the dark apartment,
the fears and concerns of the day
slide around me in bed
like eels — they come close,
my skin pulls back.

I sleep,
and they move away.

In waves upon waves
the disguised and dissembling
cover the earth.  From where I stand
there’s nothing out there but
a danger of drowning.

I bob to the surface
and see the sky every time.


Stone

Originally posted 12/10/2012.

I hold great love
for stones:
the ones I climb,
the ones I throw. I try to listen 
to their gray whispers, I try 
to follow their directions.  

Maybe you feel that too.  
Maybe you are meant
to climb the largest ones,
freestyling up
past ever-present death
without making
a mark upon them;

maybe you’re destined to build
garden walls, fortress walls, paved roads;
prisons, temples, or something
that serves as both;

maybe you are supposed to cut them
until they represent another thing
in its heaviest incarnation.  Maybe
you are fated to release
the deities inside them, or maybe 
you were built to hurl them.

Will you recreate 
in your brief life 
all the millions of years
we’ve already spent 
learning to do these things?  
It’s hard to avoid when the big love
we have for stone carries us there.  

For now put your face on the boulder in the path, 
cheek to its cool black nubble.  Pick up
a piece from the ground and slip it 
into your pocket.  

Carry it around with you,
worry it with your thumb and maybe
after a long time it’ll be a touch smoother 
than when you started — and still 
it will look not much different
than when you started.

If you lose it or toss it
it will wait patiently
wherever it lands
for the next pocket,
the next slingshot,
the next place it is needed.

Or it will not. It may disdain us
or ignore us.
It may not have registered much, 
if anything, 
of you or of any of us
who have ever touched it.

It may tell anyone who finds it
nothing about you

that you would recognize
as being your story.

Your story isn’t singular.
Neither is mine.
There’s no grand need
to recall them or us.

We are just part of the story
of Stone, part

of the Record Of Time
that began long before we did
and which will only end long after 
we do 
and are forever forgotten.


Pull It Up

Originally posted 12/29/2012.

From the place I buried it all — a deep hole
I never completely filled in — 
I shall pull up the eight balls of blow and the late night breakfasts
that never stayed with me for longer than it took
to get in the car and get moving, drunk and wired,
toward whatever couch was that morning’s home.

I shall pull up the empty little gun I got in trade
for a bag of acid, pull up the skinny tie
and the hospital scrubs, the songs I wrote
when bored, the awful poetry I believed in
so hard I sprained my ego on it, even when there was
no evidence for its quality, no reason for it to exist at all.

Pull up the arrogant fool, the know it all,
the callous junior playboy
up to screw whoever was up for it; 
pull up as well any scrap of memory
any of those partners left behind, that I might
recall a time when I was superficially lovable.

What’s left in there when all that’s come up to the light?

A boy, still a skinny boy then,
though tending toward my later heft.  
A stupid young man
with a bad car
and a jammed tapedeck
and damaged visions of a swift escape from this earth.  

I pull them up, pull it all up,
the way you’d yank a weed that won’t die,
frantically hoping I’ve got it all this time:
every bit of what keeps sprouting in my life
when I least desire it, 
now that it’s inconvenient

and no one thinks
it’s cute
or charming
or melancholy-artist-appropriate anymore. 
I want it poisoned.
I want it gone.  I want to

pull it all up and burn it all down
from the memories of how it began
to the new shoots that expose me,
that nag me, that shout to the world that what I was
is what I am; that no matter how hard I pull,
I am rooted in failure and will always fail.


Impartial Observers

Originally posted 7/14/2010.

That lump we can see
in the near distance
is a nation.
We once thought it motionless but
are beginning to think
it may be moving. 
Hard to say from here.

If it is moving,
it appears to be crawling.

We have heard from the citizens of that nation
that some among the masses there
believe they are standing tall.

Others believe that they are crushed flat
by those who believe
they’re standing tall on their own
but who in fact are standing
upon them.

Perhaps no one in the nation
is crawling at all,
and no one is completely still;
maybe what we see from here
is the ground
sliding away
from beneath them.

That nation seemed so far away,
once upon a time,
and we were impartial observers
from this high vantage point. 

We’d thought we’d found the perfect spot
to watch it happen from a distance.
Now we have to admit
that right where we’re standing

the footing is starting to writhe.


Bleeding Out

New poem.

The symptoms
of exsanguination
colloquially known as “bleeding out”
include

anxiety
blue lips and fingernails

unofficially sanctioned neighborhood demarcations
flimsy justifications of hair trigger rage

low or no urine output
profuse sweating

a profound distrust of received wisdom
easy to believe conspiracies and backroom handshakes

shallow breathing
dizziness

imprisonment
educational poverty

confusion
chest pain

the elevation of cultural assimilation
to sacramental status

loss of consciousness
low blood pressure

carnival barkers on the news
a camera on every corner

rapid heart rate
weak pulse

death upon death
upon no longer unexpected death

the echoes
of centuries of trickle and drip

turning into a flood
of names to remember

a cloven nation
drenched in blood
that should never have seen
the light of day


Unfolding

New poem.

Fold yourself into a circle often enough
Your back will stay forever a little bent
Your eyes will
stay fixed upon your navel

Fold yourself often enough
into a white envelope
and you”ll find yourself
mailed to somewhere out of sight and mind

Fold yourself often enough
into a genderbox and learn
that such things aren’t meant to hold
what’s yours and yours alone

Fold yourself often enough
into someone else’s origami 
in pursuit of your own flow and their love
and get neither

Unfold yourself
You’re a long awaited letter signed “sincerely yours”
You’re a long list of desires and needs
You’re creased and fragile but intact

A flag
A treasure map
A photo from long ago
without a seam upon your laughing face

Lay yourself flatly down
Come back to yourself
It won’t be as easy for someone
to slip you into their pocket


The Saints Of Our Household Shrines

New poem (draft — just getting it out there; it’s been in progress for a while.)

The saints of our household shrines are banding together to form a political party. 

Throngs of our beloved dead memorialized in table altars in gently shabby homes and clean-swept humble cubbyholes are massing to stand against officially canonized hypocrisy regarding who we should honor with supplication and offerings.

They refuse our tithes, saying we’ve paid enough in loss and pain to fund any campaign.  

The platform?
Chase down and face down the Founding Fathers, the missionaries of genocide, the greed-slurping apologists for bad acts that make a profit, the prophets of compartments, the sky-godmothers of assimilation, the go along get-alongs.  

The slogans?
“Behold the dead to understand the living.

“Behold the living who come to make you understand, 
but know we do not need you to understand 
before you stand aside.”

The saints of our household shrines march before us carrying no signs, wearing no buttons, adorned only in scraps of family photos, funeral cards, locks of treasured hair, newspaper clippings, the stains of generations of tears.

We will not lose. We cannot lose.

We, and they, have nothing to lose.


Rewind/Fast Forward/Eject

Originally posted 12/28/2013.

that’s the title
of a soca song 
so much fun to sing
a soca song
that is fun to sing

a song from an album
released in 1994
in 1994
on vinyl
CD
and cassette 

in 1994 that title
made sense
to a cassette owner
a cassette tape owner
someone who owned
and listened to cassettes
someone who fell
in love with a song

and rewound it 
and replayed it
until it broke
and had to be discarded
had to be ejected 
and tossed away

less than one
generation from now

no one will
understand this song

exactly the way a cassette owner
understood it
in 1994

watching the tape gather
on the left hand reel
thinking 
is that far enough?
trying to interpret

high speed backwards noise
hitting play to see

if it was far enough
hitting rewind
and fast forward
and play

then one last rewind
to position the tape
right at the beginning
of the wanted song

hitting eject
when the time came
changing reluctantly
to another tape
another song

love
and obsession used to be
analog processes
that took time and precision
took attention and
esoteric understanding
of what little you could
see and hear
how to read subtleties
how to fall back satisfied
and then
how to move on

love used to be
soca
played endlessly
over and over
beginning to end
to beginning again

it was never over
never over
was played over and over
until it was done