Daily Archives: July 6, 2012

On The Stigma Attached To Mental Illness Or Channeling Gods

In the white soup
that is my usual view of things
there is a voice — god or worm,
sluice or wind — I repeat 
whatever it says.

When the white soup clears
now and then a different voice
I somewhat recognize tells me
different things and I repeat those as well,
unconcerned with contradiction.

What sloshes around in me?
I’m damp inside and out, never 
dry and warm, always shivering.
The wet noises resolve and revolve
into pronouncements or lies,

or maybe not.  Maybe every voice
is real.  Maybe I am the evidence
for polytheism and its best argument.
Maybe I should listen to everything said
and call it all true,

and if I’m paralyzed by that
then I am 
right where I’m supposed to be —
and the rest of you
wearing those strained smiles in my presence

should conduct yourself according to your fashion
when in the presence of a vessel of the gods,
or a crazy person. Whichever
makes more sense for you
as I stand here thinking out loud.

 


The Towers, The Pile, The Hole

Because hope
is more important
and harder for me to hold
I will hold hope

on this day when
again and unlooked for
all my brain can talk about is
The Hole

In this life I’ve been up close to
The Towers
The Pile and
The Hole

I recall The Towers
I can still smell The Pile
I don’t know how to fill in
the blank that I feel

for The Hole
For its emptiness
For its open core
in the chugging tip of Manhattan

For that first trip
to the city afterward
when I was lost upon approach
because the skyline had a Hole

Some days
you open the book
and hope is everywhere
All over the pages

All you have to do is wipe away
the extra and leave just enough
and you’ve got something
the people will want to read

But today The Book
fell into the Hole
again and I have nothing
but Hope

if I want
to stop falling
(and I want
to stop falling)