Pointless Happy Afternoon

I concede
game set and match

to my little demons.  To my
corrections,
my corrections for,
and my incorrect
actions.  

To my lack of connection,
my unconvinced convictions, and
my uncorrelated understandings
of myself.  

I have been a bastard
ten thousand times over and 
lost myself in diligent pursuit of 
what I felt entitled to have.

Now that I know
I am in utter defeat,
I should forget all this
and go outside on the next sunny day,

go by myself to a bar or cafe
to buy a drink or two with my always 
nearly empty wallet,

to end up there for hours
sitting and greeting unexpected friends
with a delighted smile and the offer
of an empty chair and a drink on me
for their comfort

as if taking a pointless happy afternoon
for myself is no big deal,
though it is,
but then again,
it really isn’t.