Daily Archives: September 29, 2011

Bio

Born incorrect,
unexpected,
accident of timing
and of shame.
Made his name out of spite,
out of a steel memory
and a vineyard tongue.
As the name grew
he loved everything
less and less, little
by little, until brief recall
was all that remained.  Cut
and drank and smoked into
himself.  Farther and farther
behind he fell,
a remnant of the blaze
he saw in the mirror
once.  Someone said
they loved him, but
he licked his bones
clean of the words.   
He liked alone
more than together,
silent more than aloud,
and still he talked too much
and knew he talked too much
and made insane connections
among prosaic things.  Harder
and harder for others
to bear, he longed for
a stamp that said
“Worthy” and when 
he could no longer see
a reason for it, he tramped
away and in the forest
where he once had said
“I will be…this,” he knelt and 
carved, instead, “I was never”
on his last clean artery,
and so he pitifully 
passed into that truth
and was thus proven 
completely correct.


American

not a black day at all
but a red one
seeing through
my eyelids
as if into the sun
the hot wind in my bad hair
my fat over my belt
and every ignoble moment
of this filthy life
is a swollen sty burning
I’m keeping my eyes tight shut
and I see everything

God is the heavy ray on me
snake men the peeling skin
rat women the weeping blisters
I am burning as is the outside
and all I want to do is run
into the last wheatfield left in the world
and make famine complete
utterly perfect as it ends everything

hope is for the idiot
I have one idiotic hope
when all is ash
maybe something will crawl out
look around 
say

I can work with this


Methods

Guns smell too much like family and home
and the danger we know versus
the danger we don’t know.

Knives taste a little like
ionized air and the good ones
leave their taste in your mouth.

I can never recall how many
loops there are in an official
hangman’s noose, and that

has kept me alive as I
will not violate tradition
for speed in execution.

Pills are too unpredictable
for a man of my size.
How many is too many is therefore enough?

What I adore instead: the cigarette
alcohol drugs laziness fat fast food method.
Happy is the man who goes forward

in that pleasure. There is of course
stroke and slow decline as a possible
result, but I trust my impulsive body

to get the job done swiftly
when the time comes.  And I won’t
even know it’s coming.  I can pretend

it was inadvertent.  I can forego
stealing a gun from the folks.
I can just go with no immediate agency,

exactly as I have lived.