Darlings, I’ve swallowed
too many platitudes from you all.

If positivity was a drug,
I’d be River Phoenix by now.

They’d have investigated you,
tossed a book of Gibran at your smile.

If so, would you remember me today
as fondly as we do him? Or

would you have blocked me out,
thinking me stupid

for dying from sugar poisoning?
Would you ask yourself

how it could be that a man died
from an overdose of light?

If you were me,
you’d understand.

I was born to be the praise
for what crawls from under the rock.

I was born to be sullen art.
I was made for contrast.

Know I didn’t choose this.
I’d have rather been sunlit,

blind from the glare of day.
I do appreciate your cheer.

But sometimes your words
are doubled by a voice

saying, “Not that.  Not that.”
Neglected darkness speaking?

I don’t know. I just know
how I am when it sounds off:

I’m most comfortable
with that in my ear.

Call me a downspout
for psychic rain.

Call me a slipped noose
or a damaged launch. Not that —

I am the brother of those.
The diary of a charm

against what we won’t name.
Keep your affirmations —

I can’t learn that tongue;
the one I know, I know too cold.

A short vacation,
hiatus, rest break,
sabbatical

until the day after 
everything
blows over.  Will be

back after a few words
from our sponsor

who expected us
to work harder
and longer
for his dollar.  

He doesn’t seem pleased
or inclined to re-up
the contract as

it seems everything went to Hell
while we were sitting back
and enjoying the inattention
to detail.

No idea
what we’ll be doing now
that the gig’s fallen through; 

sit very still
watching the dark horizon,
I suspect,
at least until night
closes in. 

rocking like a sand bar
in current, particles flowing off
with every wave, there goes
what I loved, here comes
what I’ll love now, shape
shifting, now crescent, now
straight line, now blockage
to tides, now broken barrier,
perhaps husks will wash up
and bulk me up, perhaps
I’ll be an island, perhaps
a continent

or maybe I’ll
wash away, get into
the seabed, become a beach, 
grit in someone’s shoes, dragged
or carried inland, washed off
in a cold shower, down a drain, 
end up at rest far from home,

a memory of past nautical history,
found in a crime scene, mystery of
forensics, evidence of change,
cryptozoological marker,
here was a mermaid passing
at some point, a kraken, a dead sailor,
pirate gold, something, anything to spark
an imagination,

the mundane nature
of what I’d been lost, no record 
of what loves I’d lost and gained, 
my mere physical trace all that remains
and that much of me made to tell a story
I’m not a part of,

as the ocean
takes me in without making me a part,
as the drain carries me away
without calling me to itself to stay.

All along the walls of watchtowers
that keep inner sanctum sacred
the hymns of longing
rise, supplicating for bread
and access.  With a raised eyebrow,
those inside intone spells
and make ritual gestures —

delicacy,
the tool of the upperclass
when there’s a need
to put someone back
in place;

etiquette,
a menu for delicacy,
a ghostly menace
behind it. Dig deep and see
how door holding and fork placement
condescend to some, set tiger traps
for others.

Fashion,
a uniform for separatism;
accent, a marker for acceptance or rejection;
grammar, a two-edged sword
guarding the gates of Paradise;

all so beautiful that soon enough
we aspire to our own prisons,
to acquire
our own sets of keys,
our shackles,
our marching orders.

Are we not handsome now
with our hybrid vigor
draped in such vicious elegance?