If, Updated

If you enjoy cutting others

If you learned that early
and found you had a knack for it

If you get a kicky gut-gasm when you feel
soft pillow puncture or shock of bonestrike up your arm

If you love the weapons and own them by the dozens
carry them in pairs in boots in pockets and small of back

If you know how to use them
not from movie or video but from hard training

If your family taught you manhood
depended on hard skills like these

but if even beyond that you learned
that for you it was a pleasure and not grim need

and you ran from that 
and became a good boy and never hurt anyone

except that one time —
maybe two if you are being ruthless

and honestly
all you’ve cut since then has been yourself

and even then only a few times
and those were a while ago

if you are settled and urbane
and only taste the desire to cut now and then

and never do it with your knives
at all

tell me
are you still a monster