Monthly Archives: October 2010

Patternmaker

He opens the scissors
and begins to cut

the details which matter to him
(the origin of the journey,
the car, the mirror loose
on the driver’s door)

from those he has no need for
(the way the air felt like fur
when she held her hand
out the window as they drove,
her need to stop and pee
every fifty miles or so)

then stitches the parts
into a cloak, a story
fitted to what he believes
and to hell with what really
took place (long periods
of absolutely nothing, no talk,
mutual simmering)

since now that he’s done
her perspective is just scraps
on the floor of the motel room

where
he ended up alone
with no one to tell him
that the cloak looks unfinished
and doesn’t fit all that well.

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Still Face

She has a still face
under her more expressive mask,
and she says that it is
the truest one.

I love the active play
of her bones under the taut blush,
but will accept that it’s not the truth
if she says it is not.

What of your soft rocking,
gentle piston pulse,
I ask —

and she says that in truth
it is an iron engine
forever breaking stone
and what I hear and adore
is only its distant rumor.

Do I know nothing of you,
then, I ask?  And she says
that is so. But
she loves me for re-imagining
her. 

I reach out
at once upon hearing that,
wishing to seize hold
and take a measure.
I come up with only this poem
for my effort.  Her true face
and roaring heart
hang back but are clear
behind it, and I begin to miss
what I once believed in so strongly
that I could have lived happily
without ever writing of it again.

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Dreams In Review And In Action

Last night, I dreamed a series of numbers.
I don’t gamble, don’t play the lottery at all;
they meant nothing to me.  Some dreams
don’t mean anything to the person who has them,
and when it happens to me
I wonder if I had someone else’s dream.

I have high cholesterol, I know; that’s my gamble,
along with my fat-assed lifestyle and of course
the steady diet of smoke.  This morning I wiped out
every egg, piece of bacon, and hash brown potato
in the house.  I feel great; that’s my dream, always,
to feel great.  Even if just for a moment. But I’m almost
out of cigarettes, so “not great” is looming.
There’s a lottery machine at the convenience store
where I buy my butts, so perhaps I’ll try a new dream
while I’m there.

It’s easy to say that I’ll play my numbers
and try to better myself that crazy-odd way
and maybe I’ll get everything I want all at once.
But it won’t happen.  I’m not that guy.  I don’t gamble
except on an early death by heart disease or stroke,
and that’s not really a gamble: if I do this, this will happen
at some point is a near certainty, something
to look forward to like

next month’s elections, about which the morning news anchor
said, “in one month exactly, we may be electing
a new crop of leaders.”  This must be her dream,
it’s certainly someone’s dream that such a thing
will happen.  It’s not one I share, by which I mean
I’ll believe in their leadership, or that it will be
all that new, if I live to see it, and as I crunched
down the last bite of so-good, so-deadly bacon,
lit an oh-so-expensive-and-dangerous cigarette,
I confessed another dream to myself

that I had sincerely hoped I would not.

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Young Actors

Young actors
playing others
go home at night
to kiss and drink and sleep
and get up and do it again
tomorrow,
maybe with some shock or joy
at their faces appearing in the news;

but old actors
have a harder time of it.
When they’re done playing
they go home too,
but they’ve drunk and kissed
and slept so much already
they’re left with a yearning
only for tomorrow’s script
and to try to learn
what they couldn’t learn
when they were younger,

and they are rarely surprised by the morning news.

It’s not a good thing
or a bad thing.
It’s just the falling away
of distraction

in favor of one repeated question:

what’s next?

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A Few Words About The Poems

Don’t ask them
if they’re telling the truth.
They will always answer,
“Of course,” and they might be,
but really,
you shouldn’t trust them.

Don’t try to bother them
for their life stories
because chances are good
that they don’t even know
how they got started.

If you’re attracted to their metaphors
try not to show it too much,
because they’re notorious
for pressing any small advantage
and then, next thing you know,
they’ll be moving in
and staying
for a long time,

and that’s damnably inconvenient —
because as mentioned earlier,
they are not assuredly honest.
You may find yourself missing things:
settled opinions, firm perspectives,
a sense of security,
the good silver.  (Did I mention
how hungry they are, how they steal
to pay for their appetites?)

The poems, you see, are brats
born to raise hell, diddle and screw
around.  Sure, some of them,
the love poems especially,
are downright adorable — but beware:

the love poems are the worst. 
Love one of them too much,
put your trust in their preternatural beauty,
confuse that loveliness for truth (regardless
of what Emily had to say about that)
and you could end up letting them
do your work for you when you ought to be
speaking for yourself.

I think we’ve covered the critical stuff:
untrustworthy, cynical, plastic pretty
little monsters, blah blah blah…

and hell,
we haven’t even talked about the poets yet.

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The Grand Scheme Of Party Talk

Two conversations going on,
one in each ear, neither making sense
by itself but put them together
and behold the emergence of
new thoughts.

I will go now
back to a dead corner far away
from the actual talk
and come to some decision
as to how to use the energy
I feel now; I will begin
by eating scraps of cheese and crackers
and finishing a half-empty beer,

and when I fall asleep on an unfamiliar couch
and wake up several hours later,

I’ll have forgotten everything
and that will be at once a crushing blow
and a reason to attend another party
where, if I am lucky,
I’ll have it happen to me again —

except this time,
I’ll get it all down on paper
before I lose it completely.

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Achieving Peace

a stumbling father
trying to be a savior
falls behind his daughter
as she rolls away
down the slope

stones at the bottom are avoided
as much by chance
as by control
and at the bottom
both rise laughing through tears
and forget the previous hazards
move onto the next ordinary thing

each moment on each of our paths
seems precious and set
when examined in hindsight —
such lies we tell ourselves —

did you know that moon
would give so much light
on the night you were willing
to step away from the fight
and turn your back on threat
feeling that if death
came grinning after you
you’d be good with that

and that light kept the killer
from pursuing the battle
he turned and put away
the knife
you did not die
and now
you look back
and say yes it was ordained
that this was how you would come
to find peace

fool

peace is a deceiver
it comes as it comes
no respecter of zazen
or prayer
is shuffling monk of nature
nurture
timing
and pure luck

random is
all

predestined is
nothing

acceptance is
peace

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This Is My Brain On Drugs

Woke smelling
fried eggs in a pan
but discovered it was just
my brain on drugs

Pissed me off
I was hungry

Woke thinking
I heard a superball
bouncing crazy in the room
but it was just
my brain on drugs

Pissed me off
I wanted to play

My brain on drugs
fucks me up and over
but without the drugs
I’m left with just my brain
and that’s worse

like the night
I woke up
hearing nothing at all
no sound
not even my breathing
It was as if
I’d stopped being
as if I’d been dead
for a very long time

then I discovered

that was my brain
not on drugs
I was hearing

and so I took some drugs
and
almost immediately
I was right back
where I belonged

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Water Inside Song Inside Water

This poem was written and performed to open a concert in Worcester, MA, on October 2, 2010.  Musicians playing:  Mike Connors, Charlie Kohlhase; Cooper-Moore, William Parker.  An astonishing night of creative music….I was honored to be part of it.

Note: This is the text I carried on stage and worked from, but there was much improvisation from the text.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we are free
we do not need to dream of flying

When we are free
we are unlabeled

When we are free
we are in all places at once

Think of a city

Rusted fire escapes
frame dawn bright night
and car horns align
with shouted calls to neighbors across courtyards

Sunday churches
spill their God-seeds into the streets
to praise the day
alongside Saturday night’s hangovers
dew-eyed sleepy children
soft-cored hustlers
sad ancients
bewildered and strong
and rich and poor

In this city of now built on past

one may look up thirty
forty fifty stories
rise to the heights
look down at the rushing street

Think of rivers
cliffs
and
music

Think of a canyon outside the city
cut through to the roots of earth

where a woman sits
at the bottom
by a cook pot
near a carving river

She looks up at the walls
still dark at mid-morning
and thinks of climbing

Water in a pot
just ahead of boiling
sings to her

Listening only to that water voice
she must turn as it commands

Her eyes screwed shut
she leaves her chores
scales shadowed rocks
toward sun above

Climbs
with
that boiling song
in her ear
to the cliff top
and sees the city ahead

Begins to walk

Inside every song
is the voice of water

Water carving stone
Cold water warming
Water above fire
Water just before boiling
Rain on the streets
Rushing down gutters and drains
Fluid clockwork rocking time
that has no need of schedule
Quoting the nameless voices that burble
underneath

Everything we know from books
Everything we know from others
Everything we know
is water

The woman reaches the city
Enters the liquid violet energy
Walks hard streets
Stops before windows
Alleys echoing party chatter
Piles of boxes behind bodegas
Dinosaur rumble of trains and buses
Horns bouncing echo off echo

Night comes in
Ghost fog a redemption
for the punishing day

Think now of a night club
with its far corners dim and busy
crowded with remainders of dinner crowd
Slick aficionados
Novice joy chasers
Students and mages
All in watchful attendance
upon what is to come

Saxophone asters
Trumpet roses
Ivory key-bones
Starflung bass
Grown in fertile underlying soil
of swift sifting drums

The woman stirs with understanding
Water song singing inside her

The woman remembers the tree blown down in the storm
striking the ledge
tumbling down the cliff
into the water
which cried out as it entered

The essence of horn is in blowing and blocking
The essence of string is in striking, permitting, and stopping
No one needs to have explained to them
the essence of the drum
rush of shaken skin
thrumming in ear canals

Look at the shocked eyes
and the odd remastered ears
back in the startled corners
The dinner crowd saying
This is not what we came for
This isn’t what we thought we’d hear

The woman tells them

Do not give this a name you know already
Don’t try to manacle it to the words
harmony
melody
rhythm
Don’t think of formal labels
Don’t limit your attention to its purpose
Do not kidnap this
or hold it for ransom
It is a crime against Essence
to clap music into confinement
There is a trial going on here
This is just the opening statement
This is a broken dam
Just
Know
This
Voice
that is under all
Cutting shape out of raw time
examining the sound of its bones
eroded by current
exposed here
in the banks of the river

She hears the tree crashing
to the ledge unseen crying
The water In the canyon
The water in the pot
Just before boiling
Herself on the cliff side
not falling
singing

And she knows
She need not go home to the canyon
The canyon is an inside song now
Needn’t stay in the city
The city is an inside song now

And you now
Think of yourselves
Soaked in this
Think of the ocean
you’ve plunged into
Inside you now
Think of yourself
So moist with music
Inside the song

Play in the rough surf
Ride the rivers threading into the stone roots of earth
Follow rivulet into silent moss vanishing
Reemerge a spring on granite
Follow the essence of clear
The drum bossing the air
The horn crowning the fire
The bass bursting the earth
Keys and strings damp with music

All flooding all

When it ends
you will know the woman
you will know her as Mother
you will know her as Music
You will know her
as you know yourself

When she turns to disappear
into the healing fog
of the night
To walk past the churches
and the buildings
The neighbors and the blare of horns

When she chooses to climb
back into the heart of earth
back to the pot on the boil
back to the simple river carving beside

You’ll know what she knows
that the Song chooses its Singers
Its Listeners

Now

Think of the doors
you walked through to enter here
The water lapping against them

Outside these doors
when all is done

Altered ears will listen to the shell
you have lifted from the shore
of this new world

and then
you will
know

know Freedom
know the Song

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Speak Of These Things

Suckle
is one of those words
that sits well on the tongue
as it is spoken, sounds
as it means, a bit of hard,
a lot of soft.

Kiss

reminds you
of itself as well
with its breath caught
and its air slipping away
at the end.

Touch

includes both a tapping
behind the teeth and
an interruption upon completion.

Love

is deep, has throat hum
and stung, buzzing lips.

All you need do to understand
how they all work together
is listen when they happen,
and then follow their instructions.

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