Daily Archives: August 1, 2010

A True Story

This story may not be true:

a famous poet
once committed
psychological torture
upon a graduate student
in order to observe her behavior
and derive content
for a book of poems.

He was not alone in his effort:
he enlisted other graduate students
to assist him and observe and report
on their comrade.

This part is true:

as an undergrad I once sat in a dorm room
hearing this story from the woman who had been abused
or claimed to have been abused,
and I believed it.

This part is also true:

I told this story
to many people over the years
as if it were certainly true.

At first, I named names.

Then the book in question was published
to no acclaim
and general bewilderment: where
had the famous poet’s talent gone?

I kept telling the story.

The famous poet
later redeemed himself
with better books.

And I began to choose my listeners
and hedge the details,
and soon I stopped telling the story altogether.

This is also true:

I have read the work of the famous poet
in this story, and wondered,
and thought about it, and looked for clues,
and I have written a lot since then
and wondered, and looked for clues,
and thought about truth and redemption
through poems,
and nothing disguises the fact
that I am no famous poet,
but I believe in the power of fame.
I am no famous poet,
I am ashamed of what poets will do
in the pursuit of a poem,

and I wrote this.

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The Gulf

Out where the oil is on fire

the dead fish
of the Macondo well
lift and fall on the swells,
burn like dollar bills
in our pockets
that long to be spent.

We count them,
shuffle them,
keep a ledger of them,
toss them into a collection plate

like the single lamb on Abel’s altar.

Think of how
that day ended,
of Cain cursed;
think of his greased face
and a brand new word, murderer,
aloft in the smoke behind him
as he ran off with nothing in his pocket,
then think of how we have remained so willing
to spend any blood but our own
for the comfort
we think we are owed.

Maybe
Cain knew this was coming
and tried to stop it — 
Cain, a lucky man
who had somewhere to run.

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God’s All Right

God’s vaguely Amish.
He likes things plain,

except when he doesn’t.
Then he gets Catholic
or even Orthodox. 
On occasion loves
all that gilt
and those smoking
censers full of myrrh.

When he needs family
he is almost exclusively
Jewish.  These
are my people, he says,
and so are they, pointing
at the Baha’i in the corner.

When it’s quiet he is
completely Buddhist except
for the Taoist residue.  Will even
throw on a vagina
if Wiccans feel like dancing.

But mostly, he’s just God.
Or she is.  And God’s all right.
Vaguely Amish,
kinda simple tastes
except he’s forever asking,
“whatever shall I wear?”
while receiving prayer.

Still, sometimes,
even God says
fuck it.  Sometimes
he gets all up in your face and
insists,

“I don’t exist.
I’m an atheist.
There’s no one out there
for me to pray to. 

Dammit —
who built this half assed world
that they’d leave me out here
without a backup?”

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Stairway To Fela (revised)

I heard “Stairway To Heaven” on the car radio tonight,
for the first time in a long time.

I have heard “Stairway To Heaven”
perhaps three hundred times in my life,
having been born at the right time
to have been inundated with it constantly
on the radio stations of my childhood.
I do not own a copy of it for that reason.
I’ve never needed one if I wanted to hear it. 
All I have to do is think about it
and every note
is immediately present in my head
as it was written and played,
as it was in the beginning,
is now, and forever shall be,
world without end…

in a bag on my couch is a gift from a friend,
a CD by Fela Kuti I have not yet heard.

I have heard much of Fela in my life,
but never on the radio that I recall
except for the occasional show I’ve caught
from the left of the dial
on community stations or public radio
or lately on specialty Internet streams
devoted to the propagation of things
not heard by many of us who have drowned
for years in the same old songs
or new carbons of the same old songs. 

I have not heard
Fela Kuti three hundred times in my life,
and I do not blame “Stairway To Heaven” for that.
It is what it is, and what it is is ubiquitous
and perhaps as good as anything Fela wrote
but until now I’ve never had the chance
to decide for myself.

Fela Kuti first began recording in the late 1960s, much as did Led Zeppelin.

What would be different if I’d heard Fela in my youth
as much as I’ve heard “Stairway To Heaven?”
I’ll never know. 
I do know I would have to work hard
to embed anything by Fela Kuti
in quite the same way as “Stairway To Heaven”
has been embedded. 

I assume it will be worth the effort
from what I’ve heard of Fela so far,
but I cannot help thinking
that I may have been robbed
of something. 

Years have gone by
with me hearing snatches of “Stairway” at odd moments and thinking
that I really didn’t like the song,
but much like “Yankee Doodle”
it’s one of those things that sits in me
as soundtrack or background,
informing me, insinuating itself
into the meaning of dates and places
that might have felt different
with Afrobeat in its place. 

And in that alternate world
of multiple possibilities,
who knows where I’d be? 
What arpeggios
might I have learned to play upon my guitar
if “Stairway” hadn’t been the first thing
to rise in my fingers
when a resemblance to it was detected
in some random sequence
I’d noodled forth?

I say now that
if there had been a universe
where a Fela Kuti song
could have been heard
as often as “Stairway To Heaven”
by suburban American teenagers,
I would have been willing to see
what glittered there, what I’d have learned,
what music I might have made,
where I would have ended up.

Would I have said it then? 
Who knows?

But I never got the chance to say it
and listening again to “Stairway” in my head
I can say I am angry unto death
with this unchosen path

and I don’t know if
there’s still time
to change the road we’re on.

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The Social Order

the preparation of substance
for consumption
is a primary concern. 
how to chop, mix, soak,
treat, flay, disembowel a thing
so it may be taken in. 
how to burn off its hide. 
how to boil it. 
how to extract essence. 
how to squeeze.
how to strain the squeezings.

how flow is controlled
is also a primary concern.
how information is strained.
how water is moved.
how the gates are kept, and
who keeps them.

whosoever knows these formulas,
knows the heart of living.

the oratory
is not a concern.
the literary
is not a concern.

that the literary
and the oratory may leap gates
is a concern.

it is of paramount concern
that the gates not be hurdled.

tiresome, that they are always
in flight. 
we would need to squeeze the air itself
to keep them quiet.

what if they tell everyone what they know:
that the gates are free standing,
placed randomly, and there are no walls?

this is a primary concern.

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