Ain’t it grand
to have a brain,
abrasive and sharp
yet guided by a pair of eyes
that steady it as it grows
impatient with unreasonable
living; with the contradictory demands
of people upon themselves and their stubborn
insistence that they are not the agents
of their being, that they are completely
at the mercy of events and others’ judgments
and actions.  Ain’t it grand

to recognize yourself
in their pleading, to sit back and reflect
with your brilliant brain upon what you’ve seen,
and see how you have done the same
and continue to do so.

Ain’t it the perfect touch
when you reflect on the worst fallacy of all —
that you claim to stand separate from yourself at times,
that you are not only not in charge but on occasion
are completely independent of the mess around you,
you stand watching yourself act, you claim
not to believe you are that person
doing such horrible things, such stupid things,
that your fiery, fence-leaping mind
is in abeyance at those times and,
much as you watch and marvel at the others
as they flounder, you try to insist
that you were not in control of those moments.

Ain’t it a joke and a half.

Ain’t it sweet when you fall at last
into unity, and realize that all those times
you were an idiot and an asshole
you were totally an asshole and idiot
and you begin to own your cruelty and idiocy
as expressions of your whole being,
that you are not split and cavernous within
built of rooms that do not connect
but are instead just another man
with sharp brain and sharp eyes
who could use them ever after
to hold yourself steady in place,
complete as you always have been,
not a demon box full of actors
but humbly, thoroughly whole
in the midst of the worst of your actions.
In the moment of that utter shame
you will sow and reap at once
the peace you’ve always insisted
was forever out of reach.