Worshipful
of the elsewhere,
fully subservient
to the pervading otherness
of being here
and not
where I say I want to be,
I seek my safety
in being absent from
the life I imagine I want.
If I had what I desire,
I’d have to live up to
my own expectations.
Instead
I play rogue, renegade,
proud
in my sloth, blaming fate
for my inability
to achieve.
“Be Here Now,”
the sage admonishes me.
“Here, Now,” I reply,
“is not where I am best suited
to Be.” “Be Here Now,”
he says again. This time I refuse to
answer, my eyes fixed
on the horizon, not seeing that my feet
already have long, gnarled roots
that reach down for miles into
this dry, much-reviled soil.
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Dark Matter 
February 19th, 2010 at 1:31 am
hmmm, i don’t think this is a depressing poem at all. it strikes me as profoundly hopeful, if only because the speaker will soon trip over those roots and will thus be forced to contemplate them.
this really struck something in me… what exactly i can’t say yet. but the second stanza especially, (Instead/I play rogue, renegade,/proud/in my sloth) i understand those words perfectly and deeply. deeply. as usual tony, amazing work. thank you for this.
February 19th, 2010 at 2:03 am
Thanks.
I spent part of tonight (after working on work-work) picking out poems for a new chapbook. This didn’t make the collection as it didn’t fit the overall theme, but it came close — I suspect there will be another chap sooner rather than later, and this will be in that.
February 17th, 2010 at 8:32 am
Well, it wasn’t meant to be that depressing. Maybe a little self-mocking, though, about the unwillingness to accept where and who and what you are at a specific time in life. I think it’s a very middle-aged poem.
February 18th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
I didn’t mean my comment to sound so depressed. More sarcastic. It’s a subject that hits pretty close to home for me. And, yes, it is a middle-aged poem. Too bad it takes that long to see the truth in it. A good poem. Does its job, obviously.
February 18th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Thanks. I like it myself.
February 17th, 2010 at 2:23 am
Yeah, I think I need another antidepressant pill now, and a beer to wash it down with. And can I borrow your chain saw for awhile? Or maybe I should look for someone with an excavator. Right after I break all the mirrors in my house.