Daily Archives: January 31, 2010

Dimes And Pennies In Paper Rolls

Dime by dime
and penny by penny
you fill the paper rolls for the rent
and dream of folding money
in piles and drifts you’ll need to wade
to get to the door between you
and real life
while the rattle of old windows
mocks you scolding that
you’re not going far
with cold feet and thin socks
and cheap shoes and worn coats

Here’s news for you
this is the real life
vibrating with potential
and success defined in making do
and getting by with lovemaking
at odd hours and rough moments
when there’s nothing to do
and the cable’s unpaid
and the phone’s shut off
and the gas might go any minute
so you draw together and laugh
at the way your breath comes faster
as you kiss against the broken bed
and the gritty walls of bargain paint

So faster and harder than poverty can smash your mouths
you smash your mouths in love and hard wanting
and softer than the cold wind can slip under the door
you slip into the good sleep of afterwards

Those who dare to make things work
make them work rich or poor
and satisfaction comes to the wealthy
at least as much through sex
as it does through anything else

So don’t lie alone until the day you’ll be rich
as it may not come

Bring yourself to joy
with pennies and dimes in paper rolls
and find the embraces
in the always generous night

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Loving The Killers

There are men
I admire, men
I’d never want to be,
who live only in movies.

They swing hard and
shoot straight,
breathe easily
afterward.

I know
there’s nothing real
about such ruthless
competence

at movement
and violent
problem solving.
This is why I can stare

and gasp
at the reddening ease
of their lives,
their stone confident faces

and their swift clean up,
the knives stroked against
their thighs before they are folded
and put away for next time.

I am in thrall to this myth
of success at all costs
that leaves no trace upon
the successful.  The heroes

enter my life for a time
and leave me gasping
at such a possibility, even as I struggle
to get myself off the couch

and do something, anything
that might come to fruition
in a small way in my small life.
Give me one moment from your disdain

to love these killers,
to love the efficiency
of their elimination of obstacles
as I cannot seem to do it for myself.

It’s the only satisfaction I can find
in the steady drip of a faded life.
It’s a beauty, a terrible attractiveness
I abhor, but I cannot look away.

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