This is how I learned it

On the one hand, you’ve got Big Shiny Jesus
all sweetness
and little-children-come-unto-me cuddly

and then you’ve got Scary Bloody Jesus
with the big wounds
and the just-got-in-from-Hell-and-
boy-are-my-arms-tired
three day thousand yard stare

On my own I figured out
that on the third hand
is the Jesus who built his own crucifix
and nailed himself there with a rueful smile

Whatever I wanted most was Jesus
so I sang it out

Lay me like a babe
in the arms of Mother Jesus
so he can toss me backwards over his thorny head
in a salty ritual against the enticements of Satan
Let me grab hold of the ammo belt
of Soldier Jesus and bring him
into my trench before he’s cut down

I loved him like a mirror

Then Dr. Jesus of the plastic surgery
refused to take a rosy scalpel to my fat thighs
I demanded of him
Why don’t you ante up, bub
Why don’t you make me over

and Jesus of the dreadlocks
in the blue grime rags of the alley
wouldn’t take my pity dollars
unless I danced for him

and my Righteous Jesus went through a phase
where he’d only listen to Rise Against
and bemoan my bad taste

I started to hate him for that

Later the Dice Thrower Jesus
laughed at Einstein whenever I chewed my nails
over bills and lack of work
Never pushed a buck my way
Your roll, buddy, he’d say
Your roll

So I stole his robe one day when he was in the shower
Went through his papers and passed his information
to the local authorities
This guy bears watching, I told them
Must be some kind of witch
but you connect the dots
Not my area of expertise

Chameleon Son of a Bitch
I will not imagine a color for him now
I have been there and it’s pointless
The book isn’t clear on anything except
the carpentry
the puzzles
and the Godawful way he died and came back
to haunt us

I’m not a fan anymore
though I keep looking over my shoulder
for whatever Jesus it is I’m afraid I overlooked