Daily Archives: December 5, 2009

there is no chance like the present

there is no chance like the present

imagine the hard-luck man, brown from drink and tobacco,
reaching for the pencil to check off the keno numbers,
then dropping his dollars on the moment
when the TV screen will show his fate.
lose or win, it’s a great moment while he’s waiting.

or picture the son of the same man, cracking the books
and studying for the physics exam,
mind slipping toward the tabs in the bottom of his sock drawer,
calculating what he can take,
how long he’ll be flying, equations, formulas,
and what time can he spare from the one
before he must give time to the other?
deciding, he falls in love with the notion
that luck is with him now and always.

for the next door neighbor, it’s all good. the cats
won’t eat her for at least a day yet. she lies on the floor
and luck holds the swinging door closed
against their yowling needs. in the moment before they push hard enough
she is most beautiful, face at peace, hands at rest,
quite still inside at at last.

there is no chance like the present. better still,
there is no chance except the present. the moment of waiting.
of all best worlds existing at once. of luck being not a possibility,
but a birthright. of life and death and remission
and subterfuge in the name of happiness. of the dice
coming up divine everytime.

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Anhedonia

Bruce doesn’t get up anymore
when his favorite song of all time
comes on.

Bruce has stopped thinking
in terms of favorites.  He feels
all of them are arbitrary, his
and those of others. 

Tomorrow
he might have a different favorite
candy, position, drink, person,
song.  That’s why he doesn’t get up.
Save a little for the next favorite thing.
Might be here any time.

While waiting, he starts to think
he’s a freak for not having a favorite song
anymore, some kind of foreigner
from where they don’t have favorites.

I tell Bruce,
not to worry, you’re just becoming
a shoulder angel.  You know what I mean —
the whisperer for the right thing.
Not a shoulder devil, I’m sure.  The shoulder
angel never plays favorites.  The shoulder devil
tempts you with the longing for the thing
you love best.  But the shoulder angel
rejects that sort of passion.

You sure, says Bruce?  Because
it feels like hell, I think.  Feels
unfeeling and I’m scared of it.

Don’t worry, I say,
you’re almost there.
You[re nearing a breakthrough.
Once you give up pleasure entirely
you’ll be right there near where God is.
God doesn’t like anything too much. 
How could he?  That would be playing
favorites with all of Creation.  God
doesn’t do that. 

You’re sure, he asks.

I’m sure, I say.  You’re almost there.

OK, says Bruce.
Which knife should I use, do you think?
I’m having trouble choosing.

It doesn’t matter, really,
I tell him
while folding my wings.
Pick one —
they’re all sharp.

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