Rebuttal

I have this periodic urge
to fire a gun
Wrap my hand around it
Squeeze the trigger
Make something happen
close up
or at a distance

See my actions
have an immediate effect
Be able to measure
my impact and skill
directly in the moment
of result

Ever fire a handgun?

It’s lovely to feel
the kick of a pistol
in your hand
and to know
how dangerous you are
in that moment
So much is possible

even
your own exit
which is why
I don’t own one now
and may never own another

but the desire to pull out that stop
and make the smutty music roar
is so strong now and again

How lovely we make
the tools of completion
How desirable
the workmanship
How calm the heart
when cradling such a baby
in your jerking and impatient
hands
thinking of departure

so why do I stay
when
honestly

I don’t love
life

it’s because I do love
those who make me feel
as though it’s worth another try
at living with love for it
and all its fascinations

This afternoon I saw
a tiny slug’s fine line
drawn behind its body
across the sidewalk

a history of where it had been

I thought it was a trail of slime
but then a friend pointed out
how from the right angle
it shone