Monthly Archives: October 2009

Unfinished Poems

Two in particular,
two not yet in fact
even begun,
should be finished
before
I claim to be
finished,

but it won’t happen.

I imagine this is a form
of grief I’m feeling,
distantly akin to seeing
your children die,
or to imagining clouds
meant to bring rain
that will never even form.

When
I think of all of you
who will not know
how these two would have been
Great Round Pegs
in the Great Round Holes
of your understanding of me,
of my understanding of myself,
of things I’ve seen,
the explanation
of how I worked and what you meant
to how I worked, perhaps even
engendering
some kind of forgiveness:

yes, it is a form of grief I am feeling.

I”ll let them go.

Someone will do it.
Not for me,
but because it will need doing.
Because they’ll know the need to do them.
Because my name is unimportant to the doing.

Because I am not the sole purpose
of being, because they will be
regardless –

this is a form of relief
I am feeling.

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Tool

Chisel
calm, aware
of his own edge
but having nothing
to strike him and
make him cut,

he sat there
looking around
at conversations
he thought stupid

until the time came to go home
and return to his sharpening
in the dark.  His edge
was brittle in no time.

God, he cried,
you’re a lazy craftsman.
Take me up, Lord,
and let me make a groove
in your dumb wooden world.
I need a smiting to act
as I have been forged to act.

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Blues For A Relic

Born in New Jersey
around 1925 or so,
certainly no later than 1930
by the style of her yellow label.
Scarred and battered,
solid spruce and solid birch —
no plywood here —
repaired cracks,
stained face,
pitted and cranky tuning pegs,
a matchbook shred filling in
the nut on the first string
to keep it from buzzing;
one bridge pin
new white ivoroid,
the rest original black pearwood
with mother of pearl caps.

None of that is important.

What’s important is how easy she is to read
when you understand
the scrubbed bleaching
under the high frets that says
blues
,
the rubbed out tale
written on the back
of the steep V profile
of the still-straight
railroad track of the neck
that wails
blues
,
I sang the blues
my whole life.

I keep her close,
always within reach,
never in a case. 
She still sings
old and clear,
balanced and knowing,
though I can’t make her cry
the way she must have cried
in someone’s hands
for the better part
of her life —

for there must have been a better part
than this one, finding herself
with me and my amateur hands,
me with my own dents and marks,
my own damages, some repaired
and some still raw and shaking.
We work together and sometimes
it almost feels good when I set her aside
and figure we can try again tomorrow,
starting from where we left off.

She’s got forty years on me at least
and still as strong as ever.
I keep her close, with her promise
that maybe you can’t be satisfied,
but you can still keep trying.

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At The Reunion, Joe The Hammer Buys Me A Beer

When you’re
a hammer, he said to me,
everything looks like a nail,
and that’s how you approach
every problem:
sometimes you drive it in,
sometimes you pull it out.

I wish, a lot of the time, he said,
that I’d been born
a precision screwdriver.
I wish I’d been made for details,
been a writer like you.  But I wasn’t.
I was a hammer. I did
framing twenty years,
had my own business the last ten.
I slammed
and yanked and banged my thumb
a lot.  I never did the painting
and wallpapering, though I did drywall
when I had to,
never liked having to finish things
the way others wanted them, I figured
that was their job.

You, he said, you got
to do all the cool stuff,  you got
to write and travel,
make stuff up, fine tune
and change things
a little bit here and there.
 
No complaints,
he said, I just wonder sometimes
what it would have been like,
so what’s it like?

And the Hammer
slapped me on the back

as I peeled the label
off the bottle
and studied
my nervous,
unmarked hands.

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The Towns Between New Haven And New London

I humbly beg forgiveness
(not for the first time, not
for the last) of the towns between
New Haven and New London
that are strung along 95
like green pearls on a black string,
for again I have forgotten your names.

Last night it was very late
and very wet, the four of us had been talking
but by then the other three were sleeping and
it had become all about me driving,
Parliament blaring, cigarette after cigarette
flaring, New York in the rear view
and home still some hours ahead;

there was no room in the car
to hold you as well.  Put simply,
I was trying not to die
in transit through you, not that any of you
wouldn’t be a good place to die, I’m sure —

but that honor ought to be reserved
for those who know and love you,
you don’t need a car full of transients
littering your morning headlines.

So forgive me.  You deserve more
than a mention here, ought to be
destinations in your own right,
and someday I hope I’ll make that right.
But last night, you were just distance to be covered,
just white letters on green signs breaking my trance,
and none of you were either
the good thing I was leaving behind,
or the home I was longing to see.

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Scenes From Geppetto Town

A day starts,
almost always,
with sirens before dawn.

Citizens can tell what’s what:

the ambulance variation
means
someone’s sick, wounded, or dead;

the fire truck clang blare rumble
means
trouble bigger than personal trauma;

the police oscillation
means
any or all of the above,
means someone’s getting a little visit
from the Blue.

I know enough of crown tags and colored beads
to know the Latin Kings
hold some neighborhoods
close.   Elsewhere there are crews
who run their own blocks;
I don’t know who they claim to honor,

mostly it seems like
there are a lot of guns out there
going off
with no direction.

“Worcester” is the formal name.
“Wormtown” is what ex-punks of a certain age call it.
I’ve heard it called “Wartown” once or twice,
but it’s never caught on.

Whenever I light
another far-too-expensive cigarette
I want to call it
“Geppetto Town,”
full of cold wooden boys
wishing they were real men.

There’s a stone circle downtown
that commemorates World War I.
It’s got this highbacked granite bench
running around the circumference.
If you sit on one end and whisper,

a person sitting on the other end of it
can hear you as if you weren’t
fifty feet away. 
Like the rest of the city,
I don’t know
exactly how it works
but it does, and very few people
even know about it.

The city’s voice: dissonance
and fairy dust
hissing down, filling potholes.
Crinkled fenders
rattling with imaginary grandeur,
and the stretching sound a nose makes
when it’s growing out of all proportion
as it speaks with equal passion
of its faults
and its glories.

Oh, more about the Blue:

shaves and crew cuts
who ask “are they white or black?”
about the people they’ll be seeing
before coming out
to the frantic domestic violence call.

We have lovely
turn of the century lamps
on our street.
Half work and half don’t
on any given night. 
We don’t complain:
at least there’s some light
to run by.

Geppetto
shares the belly of the Great Fish
with Jonah and my cousin Tony,
all of them writing feverishly
in the dark.  Outside
there’s a monster storm.  No one
mentions it, they’re pining so hard
for home
that the thought that this might be
as good as it ever gets,
or that the journey to a better place might be
horrible,
doesn’t come up.

Over in the far corner
by the duodenum,
another false boy’s doing
unspeakable things to a turtle
who looks either thrilled or terrified
but because he’s not real,
we can’t ask him.  Everyone is upset
that he’s so brazen.  No one
looks away.

Wormtown,
Wartown,
Worcester.  Say them soft,
it’s almost like praying:

dearest Fairy Godmother,
we
really,
really,
really

want to be real.

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Rebuttal

I have this periodic urge
to fire a gun
Wrap my hand around it
Squeeze the trigger
Make something happen
close up
or at a distance

See my actions
have an immediate effect
Be able to measure
my impact and skill
directly in the moment
of result

Ever fire a handgun?

It’s lovely to feel
the kick of a pistol
in your hand
and to know
how dangerous you are
in that moment
So much is possible

even
your own exit
which is why
I don’t own one now
and may never own another

but the desire to pull out that stop
and make the smutty music roar
is so strong now and again

How lovely we make
the tools of completion
How desirable
the workmanship
How calm the heart
when cradling such a baby
in your jerking and impatient
hands
thinking of departure

so why do I stay
when
honestly

I don’t love
life

it’s because I do love
those who make me feel
as though it’s worth another try
at living with love for it
and all its fascinations

This afternoon I saw
a tiny slug’s fine line
drawn behind its body
across the sidewalk

a history of where it had been

I thought it was a trail of slime
but then a friend pointed out
how from the right angle
it shone

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Pacifism

I never claimed to be a pacifist

believe there’s a time for a fist
and a time for an open hand

although it’s a belief
I’ve practiced mostly in theory

since I got big enough
and frowny enough
for people to believe I might
go off
for no discernible reason

truth is
there was a time
that was more true
than it is now

hints of that history
have contributed
to many years of relative calm

so I don’t think
that’s a bad thing
when I consider
how it’s served me

how far away people stand
from me

how little I pretend to care

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Empty Rooms

Every room’s empty now.
All the furniture’s gone.
All of our stuff is out of here.
Nothing in any room.

You smirk and say, well, they’re full of air.

That’s cheating, I say.
We don’t think of air as a filler.
You don’t get a pass for that.

You say, you should try and think that way.
If a boat sinks, it’s full of water.
We pump a raft full of air so it will hold us.
Why aren’t these rooms full, then?

Because, I say, air isn’t like that.

You say, this is a glass half empty, half full thing, isn’t it?
You always were a pessimist.

I say, No wonder we didn’t — and then cut myself off.
Screw it, I say.  Not worth it.
Can we at least agree that there’s nothing left here for us to move?

But you’re already almost out the door.

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Urge For Going

Have this urge
to fire a gun
Wrap my hand around it
Squeeze the trigger
Make something happen
at a distance

See an action
have an immediate effect
Be able to measure
my impact and skill
directly in the moment
of result

Ever fire one?
It’s lovely to feel
the kick of a pistol
in your hand
and to know
how dangerous you are
in that moment

So much is possible
even (if you’re so inclined
your own exit
which is why
I don’t own one and won’t)
but the desire to pull out that stop
and make the smutty music roar
is strong now and again

How lovely we make
the tools of completion
How desirable
the workmanship
How calm the heart
when cradling such a baby
in your jerking and impatient
hands

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World Record in Japan: Largest Orgy

Yes, it really happened.  Here’s the link:

World record in Japan: largest orgy
____________________________________________________________________________________________

World Record in Japan: Largest Orgy

“Synchronized positions from oral sex, 69 action, girl on top sex, zoom ups on various individuals and ejaculations on the breasts to complete the production.”  — from the ad for the DVD of the event

Only the untried imagining
is ever truly perfect,
so let’s assume the actual event
was as awkward in execution
as it seems to appear from the photos:
two hundred and fifty couples
in normed and scripted unison,
all allegedly getting off
in dry anticipation
of commercial gain and worldwide
admiration
as the cameras whirred.

You can bet that somewhere
out in the warehouse
someone was thinking of the past,
and someone else of the future,
at least a few were likely
looking elsewhere,
the lovely bodies
moaning on the next mat
urging them on
in the name of
achieving individual goals:

fame, or bragging rights;
the honor of having been there;
a jump start for fading lust;
a rocks-off jazzing of a minimal life;
a fantasy of everything visible
amplifying the personal moment.

What happened afterward
is unrecorded
but it seems likely
that some left together
and some did not.  Some
likely tried to forget
that it had happened,
some went home
and did something
that hadn’t been in the script;

some thought about making it bigger,
grander, introducing new elements,
new positions and toys, perhaps
calling up a few friends
to rehearse.

Somewhere out there,
beyond
the synchronized acts
and the documented proof
of said acts,

perfection remains,

and it will still be there
when we get up tomorrow
from wherever we’ve laid ourselves down
tonight.

 


Hating A Sports Team

hating a sports team
is like loving the stuffed unicorn
you won after long hours at a carnival game

a good time as long as you remember
they’re both emblems
of how much money gets spent

on projected dreams
you could probably have realized
on your own

if you’d spent more time
and less cash on letting someone
sell you on their version

of war and theft
on competition as metaphor
for something you lack

and loving a sports team
isn’t much different
unless you’ve got the arm for it

and you probably don’t
or else you’d be playing not watching
and you’d know it’s all a business

fueled by slippery-smart men
who know their mythology better
than you know yourself

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Solitary Man

Solitude
is a word at once too long
and too short to describe
today:

too long
for the simplicity of
sitting and doing little
except existing;

too short
for the complexity of
sitting and doing little
except being.  Being:

the bird on the sill
at once aware and calm
ready to act or not
as needed;

being, the oneness
with the atmosphere
and the climate of
immediacy.

A man, alone,
demanding his manhood
be still and deny the need
for busyness.  Looks the same

as catatonia, perhaps
is the same in some
fashion — the totality
turning inward to face

the outside world, its wind,
its temperature and the noise
of dailiness.  All of it
a part of the man

solitary and contained,
proof against the stream
of things to hold gaze
upon the moment: the stream

stilled, the leaf holding fast
to the surface tension of the water,
the rocks and turbulence below
stopped in their path.

All that happening, and the only word
useful is at once inadequate and overactive
in the mouth — better, then,
to stay nothing and sit.

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A Wholly Unnecessary Poem For A Barely Necessary Poem

it states its business
explicitly, lets us all know
what it’s going to do.
each word carries ten others with it
designed to make it clear and ten more
after it’s gone
to explain
what came before.
every image embroidered,
every step cast in plaster
for further examination,
every seam
and link indicated
and explicated.
so why should I try to listen
when I’m being spoonfed?

please, just once,
let me hear a poem that makes me
jump after its meaning
in the silences it contains within itself.
let me chew it slowly.
let it go down a little at a time
and nourish me only after it’s been
well-digested.
I can wait
for the meaning to settle.
trust me when I say
I will get it without you
needing
to make sure
I get it. I’m hungry,
but I can wait
for a good meal.

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A Fish Story

It’s the next time,
always,
that drives me. “Resting
on your laurels”
is a polite way
of describing

a spark-free body
reclining on a green bier
while friends and enemies
murmur around it.

They say
that fish never sleep,
swimming around
in the same pond
for their entire lives
trying to become huge and cagy,
and it’s a life of
pure feeding and shitting
that has no allure to anyone
who’s not a fish.  That’s what this
must look like, sometimes;
effort repeated
for no apparent purpose
except that it’s what I do
and it must be done.

But the next thing
is the purpose:
the possibility
that next time
I’ll rise above the surface,
catching some morsel
just outside my element;
or just being myself,
having been caught at last,
fighting against the reel
all the way to the shore.

When you see my silver
thrashing
know that I’m happiest then,
no longer some local legend
(the one that got away
who maybe doesn’t exist)

but the real thing.  No
resting on a bed of green
to be admired, weighed,
consumed, exaggerated.
Not yet.

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